How long can I hold my breath?

I started this post on the 16th and finished it today, the 24th.

Well, funny I wrote what I wrote in my last post cuz guess what??? Those birth parents did choose me! I heard from my adoption caseworker on August 13 that they wanted to meet me. My sister just happened to be at my house when the phone rang and J., the caseworker said, "So how would you feel about meeting the birthparents?" to which I replied: Holy Shit, when and really, why? She laughed and said "because they chose you!" At which point I dropped the phone. Fortunately, my sister helped to focus me. I put the call on speaker phone and we both hugged each other while J. told us the situation.

She explained that I would meet the birth parents on the 15th and laid out how these meetings usually go with one caveat...because in this case, the baby has already been born. So, J. did the best she could to let me know what to expect and to remind me about 100 times that the best thing to do is to be myself. They've already seen my adoptive profile so know a lot about me. They chose me because there's things about me they like, a lot. So I just needed to remember to be myself.

I did meet with the birth parents and spent an agonizing weekend and Monday waiting to hear if I would be the official chosen one. Late Monday night J called to give me the good news! I am a mom. Well, assuming no one changes his/her mind. So I've spent every day at the hospital spending time getting to know my daughter. I cannot begin to put into words how I feel. An initial attempt would have to include the word gratitude. Because that I am full of. Not just to the birth parents of this little angel, but to all of my friends and my acquaintances who are being very generous with all of their baby items: clothes, bassinet, crib, and more. I cannot believe how many items people have offered to either give or loan me.



And I cannot believe I am going to be a mom. The whole process has taken 9 months. This is what J. figured out for me today. She told me I've had my pregnancy. I still am waiting with bated breath in case some one changes his or her mind. I don't believe that will happen but....

Isn't she lovely?

Ouch!

I cannot remember the last time that I posted. I am so very sorry. I don't know what happened. I think life just got the best of me. First there's work, then there's family, then there's exercise, then there's shopping, then there's reading, then there's sleeping and I forgot to write. Hmmm.

So there's this baby thing going on in my life. My sister had her 2nd child, a daughter, in June. I was there for her birth. What an amazing experience. I am so very grateful that my sister and her husband allowed me to be a part of that miracle. I won't every have that experience for myself, so I am lucky to have been able to witness it from the other side.

Thank you sister!

My baby thing is this adoption thing. I got an e-mail 2 weeks ago from the adoption agency that did my profile asking me if I would consider adopting a baby who was born
at 28 weeks to which I replied yes, depending on certain items of concern. All of my questions were answered and I said a definite yes! I also asked how many profiles were given to the birth parents and was told "less then 5" which meant I had at least a 25% chance of being chosen to be the mom to this little baby. I had my fingers crossed and my hopes up, although I tried really hard not to let my hopes rise. As of today I have heard nothing. I thought I would have heard something by the end of last week. The adoption worker who I spoke with told me I should hear by today at the very latest. I can only assume that since I have heard nothing, that I have not been chosen. I have to tell myself that this baby was not meant for me. That there is a baby out there that is supposed to be mine...I hope. Yes, I am disappointed and sad. I do hope there is a baby for me. Soon........