A few random things about me and Miss J.

1. I love how she nuzzles into my chest when she's tired.
2. I love that she hums when she eats.
3. I love the sounds she makes when she's tired.
4. I love that she often wakes me up by talking and screeching.
5. I love the sound of her laughter.
6. I love the faces she makes when she's eating rice cereal.
7. I love how excited she gets when she sees her bottle.
8. I love how she looks to me and at me when she's in another persons arms.
9. I love the color of her eyes.
10. I love that she grabs my shirtsleeve when I'm changing her diaper.
11. I love that she puts her cheek next to mine.
12. I love the sound of her sweet voice.
13. I love that she's starting to switch her toy from one hand to the other.
14. I love that she insists on sitting up most of the time now.
15. I love that she's beginning to roll over from her tummy to her back.

The 2 J's.

My little J is on the left. My sister's little J is on the right.

Mommy brain has taken over!

I cannot remember anything. Except when it comes to Miss J. For her, I remember everything. Every little burp, every little hiccup. Everything! For everyone else, nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. Sorry. I can't help it. My brain has turned to mush since J has come to be with me. My sister calls it Mommy Brain. I guess that's what it is, cuz it wasn't like that before J.

I feel bad about it too. I really don't mean to be forgetful. If you've made plans with me and I've stood you up, sorry. If you've asked me to do a favor for you and I didn't do it, sorry. If you look for my posts expecting one, sorry.

Mommy Brain has taken over!

Happy Birthday Miss J.

	Hanna - Everybody Say Happy Birthday
	Found at skreemr.com

Miss J is 6 months old today! (3 months corrected!) Hip Hip Hooray!

Happy Birthday Miss J.

Spiritual High

This is the rest of the Moodswings song--Spiritual High. I really love this. I'm not moved by the video but the words send me. Give it a listen.


Here's the real post for today: So I forgot to mention when Miss J started reaching out for things. That was last week. Now she's grabbing things and bringing them to her mouth. She's not very good at it yet, but she's getting there. Then today she rolled over. She had done that 2 times previously, but I believe those times were a result of my having raised her up on her 2 hands. Today's roll was all on her own doing.

Mood music

	Moodswings - Spiritual High
	Found at skreemr.com

Mom:

	Sarah McLachlan - I Will Remember You
	Found at skreemr.com

I will remember you, will you remember me....weep not for the memories.

Standing on the edge of something much too deep. Funny how I feel so much, I cannot say a word....

I will remember you will you remember me. Don't let your life pass you by...weep not for the memories.

Okay, so every time I think about my little girl I can't help but feel my heart swell. It swells so much it hurts.

I only wish my mom were around to share in my awe. I know we didn't always get along. She wasn't the easiest person to be with. I'm sure neither was I. But I do wish she were still alive. I think she would be very happy and content.

She gave me every thing she had, she gave me life. I will remember her. I just wish she hadn't let her life pass her by. I almost let mine pass me by.

She would have 3 little grandchildren living within 5 miles of her, and another on the way. (My younger brother and his wife are expecting a baby in May.)

Actually, the more I think about this the more I realize this post isn't really about my mom, its about me. Truth is, I wish I hadn't waited so long to have a child. I'm 46, soon to be 47, in March. Miss J. is going to be a year in July. I am fearful I won't be around to see her get married, or have children. I try not to worry too much about that. I have decided to mostly focus on making sure there are a lot of people in her life who love her! Because, someday when I am no longer alive, she will need to rely on those people. And the more people she can turn to, the better off she will be.

If I hadn't waited as long as I did, perhaps I would have been able to have a child naturally. Perhaps not. I will never know. As such, I have Miss J. to cherish. But still. There are regrets.

If I hadn't waited as long as I did, perhaps my mother would have been able to know and love my child.

I'm so afraid to love you, more afraid to lose....

I love you mom. I love you Miss J.

Don't let your life pass you by. Weep not for the memories.

Three little Kiddies.

I was babysitting my niece and nephew and Miss J. today. I don't often watch over all 3 of them at once. My sister can do it, easily. Me, well, I'm just getting the hang of being with one. Today however, I decided I would give it a whirl. Twice. Once in the afternoon and once in the evening. I must say, I did alright! Nobody got hurt. Nobody cried too long. Everyone napped this afternoon, and everyone played nicely this evening. Including me, napping and playing!

Today's To Do list:

Here's today's list of things to do:
1. Cuddle with Miss J. (done)
2. Drink coffee
3. Change litter boxes...they are beginning to smell
4. Pay Bills
5. Work on taxes
6. Cuddle with Miss J.


Lately it seems I rely more and more on lists. If I don't write things down, they don't get done cuz I forget about them. Except, of course, the cuddling with J. part. That always gets done! The other things on my list seem to get forgotten during the cuddling time. I need to change the litter boxes. They really are beginning to smell. And I need to work on my taxes. My accountant is gonna blow a gasket if I don't.

Ever since J. came home my life has been turned upside down and topsy turvy. People always say "You can't imagine how much your life will change once you have a baby, until you have one." I always sort of placated those who would tell me this by nodding in agreement but inside, secretly, I thought they were full of shit. But, you know, it is true. Your life does change, completely! And I realize that I had no idea how much it changes.

For me the changes include never having enough time to take care of myself--eating, sleeping, exercising have all been sort of haphazard. Take the eating thing...I used to make and eat oatmeal every morning for breakfast. Not now...I eat peanut butter on bread (I don't even toast the bread!)

I never get my billings done within the first 3 days of the month, like I used to. I"m lucky to get them done within the first 15 days of the month. The only problem with that is I don't get paid unless I mail out my billing statements. No money means no paying my bills. Oh, and since J., I don't work nearly as much as I used to therefore, don't make nearly as much money as I used to. So the money thing can become an issue.

Oh, I am now drinking coffee and I just took a break to change the litter boxes. They don't smell anymore. (Sorry Kanga and Misty!)

She's spinning!

She was up early this morning. She wasn't crying. She was talking. And yelling. But not crying. She wanted me to know she was up and she wanted me to get up. I heard her. I also heard this soft banging. I didn't know what it was. So I went in her room to find out what the banging was. She had spun herself around 90 degrees so that she was kicking the bars of the crib.

Yesterday she laughed, today she spins!

What's next?

She laughed!

So, we're lying on our tummies. She's not so happy, but she's not unhappy either. I'm spinning these plastic rings on this plastic bar thing and then I start spinning this ball with teeny little balls in it. Half the ball is clear, the other half has a face painted on it. So I'm spinning it and all of a sudden I hear this laugh. I couldn't believe my ears. So, I spin it again to check out if I heard right. And, she laughed again. So I spin it again...and she laughed again! Only this laugh lasted longer.

I was thrilled.

Then she started to cry.

I wasn't so thrilled.

So I picked her up and she immediately fell asleep.

She was tired.

That was her first laugh of so many more to come. What a joy!

Mirror, Mirror on the wall

Mirror, Mirror, who's the fairest of them all? Why, Miss J, of course!

She sleeps like an angel

And then I get to. I love it when J sleeps through the night. But I must admit, I love it when she sleeps in the daytime too. That way I can get some things done that I've been putting off for what seems like forever. Sometimes I think that makes me a bad mommy; that I like it when she sleeps in the daytime.

When she's awake, though she's so cool to be around. She looks at everything and takes everything in.

But, the best part of being with her is when she gets sleepy. She nuzzles her face into me and gets all squirmy. She keeps nuzzling until she falls asleep. Then she sleeps like an angel.

I'm so lucky she's my angel!

Happy New Year!

Oh how time flies. I've been enjoying time with little miss J. We've been getting used to each other and I've been getting used to being a mom. It is really true...until you have a child of your own, you really don't know what its like. It's an all consuming job. You never have a moment where your baby isn't in your thoughts. No matter where you and s/he are, s/he is always on your mind.


I have been so in love with her it hurts. I am ever so grateful for being chosen to be her mom.

Other things for which I am grateful:



Little J.
Big J. (my sister's daughter.)
Z. man (my sister's son.)
Little J is sleeping through the night...for the most part.
Synagis shots for little J. and all the financial assistance I was able to procure to ensure J. gets those very expensive shots.


I wish you a very happy, healthy, prosperous and peaceful New Year!