Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Fighting depression

I think I've figured out what's been going on with me. I've been fighting depression. So far, I've been successful at keeping it at bay. But, its not always easy.

I think it mostly has to do with the death of my mother a year and a half ago. Now that I'm living back in my old stomping grounds her death has been incredibly crystal clear, and incredibly painful. I chose to move back to the Detroit area to be closer to her. I had envisioned that I would pick h er up so she could come to my house and spend the day with me. She'd sit in this really comfortable arm chair I have, read the paper and take a nap while I cooked a nice comfort meal. We'd chat a while, drink some tea and have dinner. Then I'd take her home. So many weekends have passed since I've moved here where that fantasy has been really strong in my mind. And, it can't happen. So, I'd grieve some more.

There have also been times when I have felt the urge to call her. Only I remember that I can't. Then Thanksgiving approached and I was even more painfully aware of my loss. Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday because most of my family would be together. Family was important to her. She would always ask us to just be together for a meal whenever it was her birthday or mother's day, as a gift to her.

Plus, I miss my old house. No, I haven't sold it yet. Nor have I been able to rent it. I suppose if I had, then I wouldn't miss it so much. But since I still have ties to it and I have to check on it every once in a while, I seem to be unable to fully let it go in my mind.

And, I think that change is just plain painful. And I've had and will have lots of changes in my life.

What, you may ask, am I doing to fight off my depression? Well, I try real hard to let the feelings come. I know that having feelings is not a bad thing; that feelings are useful. (That's what we therapists always tell our patients!) And, I'm exercising, eating right, taking my vitamins, trying hard to get enough sleep, staying in touch with friends and family and doing things that make me happy. You know, I enjoy reading, playing the piano, making pottery, taking photos of all sorts of people and things, and now knitting.

What do you do to fend off depression?


Neil said...

Don't have much advice, but I'm sure you realize that this feeling is pretty common, so you shouldn't feel alone or "different" than anyone else.

drawer queen said...

I get busy, really busy, and then sometimes I just wallow in it and spend a day in bed until I am so bored with being me that I get up and go back out there and try to find something to do. Can't say it always works. Can't say for sure it ever works. I am sorry to say I am sure I will get another opportunity to try out other approaches.