Thursday, December 15, 2005

Have you been good this year? What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Monday, November 07, 2005

No good title comes to mind, yet.....



This is the piano that I have not touched in months. I love to play the piano. Mind you, I'm not good at it. In fact, I am surprised that I love to play the thing. When I was little, I hated playing it. I hated taking piano lessons, hated my teacher, hated practicing. Hated everything about the piano. Especially hated that my mom wanted me to take lessons. But now, almost 40 years later, I'm really glad she forced me to take lessons and didn't let me quit for a long time. It's too bad that I'm not a natural at it. I don't have the natural inner musical thing that makes great musicians. Or even decent musicians. When I play, the song is dead. I can't breathe life into it. I think thats because I get creatively constipated. I know I've used that in this post before, but I think it is what happens to me when I want to express myhself from that deeper place in me and then I can't seem to get there, or the deeper stuff can't seem to get out.

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

CopyCat

I saw this in another post and thought I'd add it here:
You google this: "'your name' needs" and then here goes:

I saw when I googled Sue needs:

a home...I already have one and am working on another.
to redeem some of the iou's owed to her...Who owes me???? Pay Up Already!
to grow up...Oh please!!!!!!!!!
to defend herself...I do a fine job of that. Ask my relatives.
to have a swarm of little kids...Yes, I would like that.
a show...what kind?
translation of an Appalachian phrase. (I don't understand this one!)
to learn how to pick up the phone and call people for answers! Oh trust me, I do this.

Go ahead, you try it.
I read in another blog something I should have already known...to blog is to free associate! YES! I SHOULD HAVE ALREADY KNOWN THIS! So...I will free associate....

I am sitting at my desk in my computer room waiting for my next client to arrive. I see my clients in my "office" and do my paperwork in my "computer room". Thankfully, my office is clean. My computer room, on the other hand , is not. I have papers strewn every which way. I have tried, on numerous occasions, and with help, to get it organized and cleaned up. I go through spurt where I will spend lots of time filing all the papers away, throwing out a ton of junk, but by the end of a week, okay, maybe 2 if I've been good, things are all messy and disorganized again. I don't get it. I say I want a clean room, but I don't keep it that way. A friend was over yesterday and we had a long discussion about it. She says she just takes care of things in the moment. She never leaves until later what she can do right now. Well, isn't that special?!? That does not work for me.

You see, in between sessions with my clients I need time to clear my head and rejuvenate myself. Sometimes I even have to use the lavatory. So, I don't have time in between each session to file my notes, or to even write them. Nor do I have time to file all the other papers that have collected throughout the day, week, month, year etc. Sometimes I just like to play a good challenging game of solitaire. So, my computer room stays a mess.

I did go out and buy some organizing helpers...like file baskets, a couple of drawer things to store paperclips, junk and etc. Plus a put up a few shelves. The room looks much nicer even since I've had it painted. But its still a mess.

I need help! I need my very own Martha Stewart!

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

I'm walkin on sunshine!

What a fun evening last night. All the little kiddies coming over to get treats, and sometimes, tricks, dressed up in their cute costumes. I didn't even mind the big "kiddies" only dressed in half costumes. I just insisted they ask for their goodies in the appropriate, time-honored, halloween tradition..."Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!" And then I insisted they say thank-you. How did I do that? you ask...by saying, in a very firm way, YOU'RE WELCOME! and if they didn't get the not-so-subtle hint, I would repeat it. and Repeat it, until they did get it and say in their very sheepish way, "Thanks." I didn't mind that they were feeling embarassed. If their parents didn't teach them good manners, then I will take the task on myself! And so I did.

Monday, October 31, 2005

Happy Halloween!


You know that workshop I mentioned in a previous post, well I forgot to mention that it got canceled. I worked really hard at pulling the whole thing together and it got canceled. It was the most successful workshop that my organization didn't have. Yes, I am hoping that we will be able to reschedule it.

Sunday, October 30, 2005

The eye's have it!





Now that it's dark earlier here in Michigan, thanks to the time change, I feel like hibernating.
Yes, that's my very own eye. Does my eye look like its tired? It's only 8:45pm and I feel as if its midnight.

So, what do you do when you are supposed to be watching what you eat, but you've got PMS and you feel like eating everything in sight? You make apple crisp and eat that knowing that the oatmeal and apples are good for you. You use Splenda brown sugar and real butter and hope that the chemicals in splenda and the fat in the butter don't kill you. At least, I hope that for me.

Saturday, October 29, 2005

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,,,


Thanks everyone for your continued interest this last month. So much has happened and I don't know where to start to explain it all. So...I don't think I will. Suffice it to say, I've had a hectic hiatus. Not a vacation, and certainly not relaxing.

Most recently, and the most gratifying for me is; I made a decision to move. I live about 80 miles away from the people I love the most and I've been living that far away for 22, almost 23, years. I have been thinking about moving for quite some time.
I will have to do this painstakingly slow. I will have to live in 2 cities for at least a year, I'm sure.

Tonight was pumpkin carving and painting night with my friend and her 3 kids. I carved a pumpkin while they painted theirs. A much safer way for kids to decorate their pumpkins. We had a blast.

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Fulfillment

In case you haven't noticed, I've not written in a while. I've been busy with work! Work is good. Really good. I'm busy and enjoying it. How lucky am I? I realize I am really fortunate. I have work that I enjoy, and I get paid for it as well. I realize that many people are not able to say that. I am very grateful that I have been able to follow my heart and have chosen work that satisfies and fulfills me. I hope you are as fortunate. And, if you have not been thus far, that you follow your heart and find work that fulfills and satisfies you.

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

fun

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...delicious
Your hugs are...warm
Your eyes...light up a day
Your touch is...heart warming
Your smell is...beautiful
Your smile is...entrancing
Your love is...eternal
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Busy as a bee.

Busy, busy, busy. Not quite sure if I'm liking it though. I'm organizing a workshop to take place in October. So far, so good. But, I'm trying to stay on top of things in order to not get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed I don't do things. So...I'm off to do more things so as not to get overwhelmed.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

Read this.

Before you go to read whats in the link, I want to say that I don't agree with everything this guy has written, but I sure do think what he writes leaves us all with something to think about!
This is interesting

One more empowering thought!

Video
------India.Arie

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be the India Arie

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be the India Arie

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows
But, I've drawn a conclusion, it's all an illusion, confusion's the name of the
game
A misconception, a vast deception
Something's gotta change
but,Don't be offended this is all my opinion
ain't nothing that I'm sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share with
y'all
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Clear your mind, now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
'Cuz everything's gonna be all right

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be the India Arie

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your Kristal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don't need your Silicone I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

Disturbing news.

I was watching, via my replay tv, Oprah's show from yesterday. I could only tolerate about 20 minutes of it as the show was about the horrors that people were enduring living in the astrodome in New Orleans. I would like to say that I cannot fathom how people could commit the kind of atrocities that some people are perpetrating on others. But, I cannot say that. I can fathom how people can treat other people so intentionally cruel. (I am in the field of psychology and have heard many, many horror stories. Too many for my comfort. I sometimes lie awake at night rumenating on the tragedies my patients have shared with me.)

I am sure that by now you've heard about the gangs that have been trying to take over New Orleans. Did you also know that there are people raping little babies? BABIES?!?!? For God's sake!!! Babies are our future. If we harm them now, we will suffer the consequences of our actions in the future. Look at Hitler and Sadaam Hussein and all those folks raping those babies. They were harmed as young children. And we've had to suffer the consequences of their terror. We must pay attention to how we treat eachother, and to history. History does repeat itself. The clinical term is the compulsion to repeat. We tend to do unto other's what's been done to us. And we identify with the aggressor/perpetrator. We will do to other's weaker, smaller, not as smart as us, what's been perpetrated on us. Unless we pay attention to ourselves and learn about why we do what we do, say what we say, think what we think and feel what we feel. We all have a tendency to be sadistic. It is when we know this about ourselves then we don't have to act on these, our tendencies.

Tuesday, September 06, 2005



I've been feeling a little down these past few days. Mostly, I've decided, I'm lonely. Actually, before I lament further about my lonliness, let me share with you, via words, the most beautiful scene out my office window. I am looking at a very large pine tree with the sun just coming up to the left of the tree. The sun's reflection on the tree is making the wood look red and the green of the needles on the tree are very deep. It is amazing. I've taken a picture and hope you can see what I see.



And now that some minutes have passed and the sun is higher in the sky, the color of the wood is no longer red.


Okay, now I feel I can ramble. I don't want to dwell on my lonliness. So, I'll try not to do so. I have just returned from the gym. I had a really good workout this morning. Did about 1/2 hour cardio and about 40 minutes of weight training with some cardio in between my sets. My trainer tells me that circuit training is a great way of losing weight. I suppose it would be if I didn't eat so much. I have such a sweet tooth. I love SUGAR. In all forms...except for ice cream. Ice cream is not my fav. I need to be able to chew on something. Ice Cream has no chew factor! I love Candy, Cookies, Cakes, Brownies...and the list goes on and on and on. If I didn't exercise I'd surely be a blimp. I hate exercising! No wonder I'm chunky. I love sugar and hate exercising. But I have the greatest friend in the world. She loves to exercise and drives me to the gym everyday. She calls me up in the early morning to say she's on her way to pick me up. We get to the gym by 5:30 and we're back by 6:45, now that she's back to teaching. During the summer we didn't have to be there until 6:30. But 5:30 is a killer! She doesn't mind though. She's as much addicted to exercising as I am to sweets. Go her! and I guess, Go me! thanks to her!!!

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

He's just not that into me!

Charlotte's line in Sex In The City is a good one. She asks Carrie "I'm nice aren't I?" Carrie answers "Yes, you are nice." Charlotte goes on with "I'm nice, I'm pretty, I'm smart, real smart. I'd make a great catch!" Carrie tells her that indeed, she would make a very great catch!

Okay, Okay. I get it. When he didn't get back with me after the two weeks he supposedly was busy and after he supposedly checked his schedule, he's just not that into me. But tell me, please, why he couldn't just step up to the plate, like a big boy, and just tell me that. I mean, really. What is up with guys (and I suppose gals too) who find it difficult to act like a grown up and tell the truth. Kindly, of course, but tell the truth none the less. Why is it really that hard to tell someone that the two of you really don't make a good match. I've done it before. I've even heard it before. After I've heard it, or read it in an e-mail, I will admit, I sometimes felt hurt, but free, none the less. There were no reasons for holding on to fantasies of what I thought could be. Fantasies are killers anyway. I prefer reality anyday to fantasy. Fantasies can be fun, but they just aren't real. There's such a let down after the realization that the fantasy that you've held onto so tightly for so long, just isn't going to come true. Especially if its about something other then winning the lotto when you don't even buy a ticket. I mean, come on, let's face it, we've all fantasized about winning the lotto and what we'd do with all that wonderful green stuff. But, how many have actually purchased a ticket? That kind of fantasy isn't based on the possibilty of reality. I bought a ticket maybe 3 times in my life. But that kind of fantasy I can handle. The one where I KNOW isn't going to come true. I don't fool myself that it is because I am fully aware that I didn't buy a ticket, and if I happen to have purchased one, I know the odds are against me. But the man fantasy, that's another story. Especially when he helps to fuel it. I meet a guy, who seems nice. We hit it off, have great conversations and he kisses me good night. Why wouldn't I think that he's interested, especially when he says "I'll call you" or "Let's get together again". Maybe there's a different language that men use that I just don't know. And what's with the kiss if he's not intending to call? It's not like a deep throat kind of kiss, so why even bother. Who really wants to exchange saliva with someone you're not interested in seeing again. Or worse yet, someone you aren't attracted to.

I'm nice, aren't I?

motherhood

I think in a previous post I had mentioned that I didn't think I would be a good single mom. Well, I'm no longer sure that's true. Cuz, you see, I am a single mom. My child is furry and has a tail. I have a cat who's a year old only she acts like a 3 year old human toddler. She's stubborn, has a mind of her own, gets into EVERYTHING, is a picky eater, doesn't pick up after herself, takes whatever she wants without asking...right now she's licking the yogurt off my spoon only I'm not done eating the yogurt yet and doesn't want to go to bed. She can be lovable and sweet when she wants to be. She can also be a pistol. She does the cutest things and sometimes she can really piss me off when she misbehaves. But she sure is cute!

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Showing off.



These are some of the pictures I took while in Costa Rica.





Manda at keepittoyourself.blogspot.com inspired me to post some of my pics. Thanks Manda!

Thursday, August 25, 2005


I wanted you to see my jungle pet. This is not a monkey.


This was how I felt today, all day.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Playin hooky

I need a day off. And, I'm taking one tomorrow. Way kewl. What are my plans, you ask? Well, I'm glad you asked. First, I'll go get a blood test to check my cholesterol levels. Then I'll go meet my personal trainer and let him beat me up a little (whith my permission, of course.) Then I'll take my bicycle in to get it tuned up and to have handlebar ends put on. You see, the bike is about 3 weeks old and I've been taking these 30 mile rides every Sunday with a bicycle group and I'm finding all the kinks. I've got just a couple and hope to get them fixed before my next Sunday ride. And, finally I'll go to the bank to make a deposit. After that...who know's what I'll do. Maybe take a nap outside. I haven't done that in years.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

The Sky Is Falling

Well, not really the sky, but the leaves are falling. And, since I'm short and most of the trees in my yard are very tall, it looks like the sky is falling when a leaf drops from the tree.

Saturday, August 20, 2005

drunken fun

Okay, I had a little too much to drink. I'm feeling pretty good right now. I went out to dinner with my new neighbor. We had a blast tonight. I've got this refridgerator poetry, and after drinking 2 margarita's and a vodka martini, you can really make up some funny shit. We both stood in my kitchen staring at my fridge moving words around, making up stupid and sometimes, even profound sentences, and laughing our asses off (Oh, if only that were true. See, I've got a big ass and would love to be able to laugh it off!) at the funny ones. The profound ones got a "we should really come back tomorrow when we're sober so we can say, 'wow, did we really do that? How profound.'"
My neighbor moved to the block in April. I walked over to her house to welcome her to the neighborhood. After talking a minute we realized that we are the same age, grew up in the same neighborhood, graduated from the same high school in the same year. We didn't know eachother in high school. We didn't run in the same circles. I didn't really know anybody. I used to finish up my day after 6th hour, not 7th, so I could go to my work-study program. I didn't participate in after school activities, I wasn't in the band, I wasn't into sports, or drama, or smoking pot, or anyother after school activity. Therefore, I didn't really spend a lot of time getting to know my fellow students better. So...my neighbor and I didn't cross paths until now; 26 years later. And, we live an hour away from our home town and only 2 houses from eachother.
But, we know eachother now!

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Earlier today I knew what I wanted to write about. But now I've forgotten. Funny how that goes. I seem to do that a lot lately. Could it be? Is it? Naw, it can't be! I'm too young for old-timers disease.

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Summer Time, Summer Time, Sum, Sum, Summer Time



I have noticed that I have been thinking about the end of the summer. Well, mourning the end of summer, really. I look around me and see that the tomatoe's are ripened on the vines, the sunflowers are dying back, leaving the seeds, even some of the leaves on the trees are changing colors. I feel a sense of remorse about this summer's passing. I haven't done the things I wanted to do this summer.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Men, Men, Men, Men

Okay, so I have some more thoughts about men. (Now I'm really going to whine.} What I don't understand is the guy who says he is interested in having a relationship. He's ready to settle down, get married and have a family. (I've been out with quite a few of these guys.) So, we go out, appear to hit it off and the next thing you know there's no communication. Nada. Nothing. Not even a "thanks but no thanks". It seems as if the guy has just fallen off the face of the earth. I don't get it...................

I dont' think its that difficult to communicate something. Either a "wow, you're great and I'd really love to see you again" or a "wow, hey, I don't think we'd make a good fit, but good luck to you in your search." I could handle either one. Really!

And just when I was losing faith in this last guy, the guy I like a lot, he does a switcheroo and reappears. I guess I wasn't giving him enough credit. Perhaps I'm too impatient. I dunno. We'll have to see how things turn out. I know and understand that he is really busy with his work. He's got a really hectic and stressful job. I can understand and relate to that. Maybe I am just a bit more ready for working on a relationship then he is. I have to remember to move very cautiously and slowly. I know I can get carried away and anxious about wanting to be in a relationship. Cuz I would really like to be in the middle of one. Not at the end and not at the beginning. But, a young woman I know this evening told me that if I think he is mature enough to say something to me if he is not interested, then I should be patient cuz he will communicate with me either way. So...I was and wha la....

Sunday, August 14, 2005

Carpe Diem.


In other words, seize the day. A friend pointed out to me yesterday that I was talking like a victim. I was telling her that I wouldn't be a good single mom. And therefore wasn't going to have a child as a single parent. I was bemoaning the fact that there isn't a good man in my life and complaining that my child bearing years are almost past. At some point in our conversation I shouted out "where are all the good men before my time is up"? She pointed out that I wasn't having a child because I was choosing not to, not because I don't think I'll be a good mom as a single person. At first I wanted to argue with her, tell her she was wrong. That I wasn't feeling like a victim, that I was a victim. That hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I was feeling like a victim. Those words didn't feel good to hear. Especially because they were coming out of my mouth.
It's true though. I do feel like a victim. (Listen to me whine.) I haven't been able to find a good, decent man. My sister would say I'm not trying as hard as I could. The problem is, I don't know where to meet these guys. I don't know where they hang out. I'm not into the bar scene. Who want's to meet a guy at the bar anyway. I work out of my house. And there aren't too many people, let alone, guys who come to my home office. I golf, but haven't met any guys on the course. I work out every morning at the gym and smile and flirt alot, but all those guys seem to really be into their workouts. One morning I even played dumb about how to use some of the weight machines. That didn't seem to catch anybody's attention. I even started going on these really long bike rides with the local bicycling group. I've taken courses at the local college. But nothing seems to work. I've even gone as far as begging my friends to fix me up with any of their single friends. They all say they wouldn't wish their single guy friends on their worst enemy. I don't get that. Then why are they friends with these guys they consider to be worse then their worst enemies? Does this make sense to you, cuz it doesn't to me.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

A Hormonal Moment.

So, its 4o'clock in the morning, my time, and I'm wide awake. There's nothing in particular on my mind, I'm just wide awake. Sometimes this happens when I'm hormonal. I seem to get all this energy and don't know where to put it, especially when its the middle of the night. I suppose if I were at home I could clean my house, or pay some bills, or organize my underwear drawer, but I'm not so I won't. So, what am I going to do at this ghastly hour? No one else is up. (I'm visiting my sister and her husband, and like good, normal, non-hormonal folks, they are sound asleep.)

So, maybe a little rambling is in order...You know, my house is a mess. Mostly just my computer room. The room where I spend most of my time. The room where I spend hours in front of my computer. Doing all sorts of things...mentionable and unmentionable. Things like paying bills on line, paperwork for work, writing for work and fun, searching the internet for useful and non useful information. (Searching for non-useful information is one of those things I rate as non-mentionable, only I mentioned it so I must have changed its rating to mentionable. Go figure.)

When I think of the mess in this room, I have to wonder what the significance of it is at a deeper level. (Oops, here's where we should have that talk about the unconscious, but I don't wanna.) I've got papers strewn everywhich way, including loose. My desk is piled with junk. Not only papers, but rubber bands, golf tees and markers, receipts, screws, nails, tacks, sstamps, blank labels. (Now mind you, I've got all sorts of nice little shelves, plastic containers and etc. to put all these things neatly away, but I don't ever use them.) I've heard that ones house represents their unconscious. I don't even want to think about what that means for my unconscious if my house, and especially the room where I spend most of my time, is such a mess.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Kosher for Passover...NOT!



I just laughed and laughed when I saw this picture.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Inner Workings...........

So today we'll talk about the inner workings. We'll begin with a brief lesson on the unconscious.

Okay, forget the unconscious. Let's talk today about electric kitty litter boxes.
  • Littermaid
  • (Did I hear a groan?) I know, you think its a silly thing to be getting all worked up about. But let me tell you...the electric cat box that I have in my house rates right up there with Replay TV (for those of you who don't know about Replay, it's the same as Tivo, only I think, better!) Let me tell you about electric cat boxes. You never have to scoop again! That's it, plain and simple. NO MORE SCOOPING! You fill the box up to the designated line with litter, put the receptacle tray in its proper place, snap in the lid, plug it in and wha lah! There it goes...raking and scooping the cat mess into the receptacle and the lid keeps it from smelling. You do have to remember to replace the receptacle about once a week and keep the box filled with quality clumping litter.

    What a nice thing.

    Wednesday, August 10, 2005

    When life gives you limes, make limeade.



    These are my pics. Enjoy them, but please don't copy them.

    Samual Adams Summer Ale is sumptuous.

    So, what's on my mind this evening? Little children are wonderful. So full of life. I know twin 11 month old babies. They are the most lovable and alive people. I also know a 2 1/2 year old. She's incredibly bright. They are all so cuddly. I'm anxious for my sister and her husband to have children. I want to spoil them. I don't think that I will have children. My time is almost exhausted in that area and I don't want to be a single mom. I don't think I'd make a good one. I'm too selfish. I like my freedom and flexibility and I don't think I'd want to give it up for anybody. That leaves me feeling sorrowful. But, its my choice and I'm still sticking with it. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

    Tuesday, August 09, 2005

    After the burn.............




    Six feet under, or six feet on top. Doesn't matter does it?
    Beautiful sunny day here in lovely Michigan. Hot and humid.

    Waiting for the shuttle to land. Everything looks good though. Wow.

    16 Marines dead from a single community. Too many deaths.

    Price of gas is $2.55 here today. Wonder how much higher its going to go?

    Monday, August 08, 2005

    The Beginnings...............



    What is up with blogging? Actually, I get it. Let's see if I can do it. I would love to say that writing is my passion, however, it is not. I'm not sure what my passion is at the moment. I did recently submit a children's story I wrote to a publisher. This is my third submission. The first rejection was painful. But the second was not and I don't expect the third, fourth or etc. to be either. I have also written an article that I submitted to a journal for publication. I received a note from the editor letting me know that if I rewrote it he would be happy to publish it. Funny thing is, he basically told me how to re-write it. I just haven't gotten myself to do it.

    I just returned from golfing. I was trying a new stance and it seemed to work pretty well. I was more consistent with my shots. My score didn't improve that much, but my consistency did.