Friday, December 15, 2006


Thanks Rosie and Pete for your thoughts. I've not sold my house yet. But, I'm not feeling rushed at this moment. Which is quite a relief from how I've been feeling lately. Rushed and still full of grief over the unexpected loss of my mom earlier this year. I think that's been where my mind has been most lately. Trying to come to some place of peace with that. I think that will be a work in progress for the rest of my days.

Interesting to note that a number of people have made a comment that I am now an orphan. (My father died over 20 years ago.) But I don't think of myself as such. I believe that orphans don't know that their parents loved them whereas I know that my parents loved me. I do feel as if I don't have an anchor however. I find that very interesting. I did not think of my mother as much of an anchor while she was alive. We had numerous difficulties, but I didn't realize how grounded I felt because she was alive.

Anyway...I've got to get back to earning a living and will add more to this post later.

Monday, November 20, 2006

I'm trying.

It has been a long time. I'm trying. There's been a lot going on. And with the holiday's coming, there's a lot more to come. Forgive me if I'm not around much. I'll keep trying.

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Basement, Shmasement!

In case you didn't read all my posts, or didn't read them thoroughly, I'm trying to sell my house. I live in the middle of the midwest. Actually, I live in the middle of Michigan, which is the middle of the midwest...sort of. Anyway, my house has been on the market since April of this year. I started out trying to sell it on my own, but then tragedy struck and I had no energy for doing anything except for getting up in the morning and reminding myself to keep breathing (my mom died in May) so I decided to hire a realtor and let her do all the work. So far, she's done a fair amount of work. We argued back and forth about how much I should price my house at and she finally won. I reduced my asking price by about 20k and let her list it in the MLS and advertise it in the local real estate magazine.

Under normal circumstances, my house would have sold within 2 weeks of being put on the market. There was a house on my block that went up for sale the same weekend mine did back in April, just a tad smaller then mine, and as far as I'm concerned, not as nice as mine, but it had something my house doesn't have...a basement, and it sold within 2 weeks that it was listed. There was another house put on the market in the beginning of June which also sold within 2 weeks. It too had a basement and was about 300sq ft. smaller then mine. Clearly, if I had a basement, my house would have sold by now.

About 2 years ago I added a master suite on to the house. That's an entire second floor. Prior to that, my house was quite small with only 1 story. It was a 2 bedroom, 1 bath house with 1 fireplace. Now its a gigantic 2 story house with 3 bedrooms and 2 full baths. The master suite has a huge walk-in closet, remote controlled gas fireplace and a very luxurious bathroom with a jacuzzi tub and shower for two with body sprays. I've replaced all the flooring throughout most of the entire house and painted almost all the rooms. The roof is new; so is the airconditioner, the furnace, the water heater and the electrical system. With such luxury and all I can't understand why no one is snatching up my house.

I've had lots of lookers, which means its priced right. But all the feedback I get is that its a great house, its beautiful, and if only it had a basement.

I say basement, shmasement! They're just big rooms full of bugs, mold, mildew and the potential for leaks. Plus, they are places to store junk. I've lived in this house for almost 15 years and never had to worry about these things, including collecting more then I need. If I were living in the Middle of Michigan and looking to buy a really great looking house with lots of new features and a wonderful, luxurious, romantic upstairs get-a-way, I would snatch my house up in a heartbeat. Too bad I'm trying to sell it!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Trying out Beta

I'm checking out the Beta version of this blog site and so far I like it very much. See if you notice anything different. I'd be interested in reading your comments, if you have any.

Monday, August 28, 2006

No, I'm Not Eccentric!

Do you have pets? Well, I do. 2 Cat's. I never knew that cat's could be so expensive. It's the cute little one on the bottom that costs me soooooooo much money. You see, when I first got her she was teeny tiny. Actually, she was the runt of the litter and was the cutest! (Remind me never to bring home a runt ever again!) However, she was a very sickly kitty and I didn't know it at the time. That was 2 years ago. She had diarrhea and all sorts of other issues that developed and eventually seemed to disappear on their own. All except the diarrhea. All the tests that were done revealed no major abnormalities except for a tad elevation in her white blood cells. 2 years later and still nothing shows up in the diagnostic tests. She's had numerous rounds of antibiotics all to no avail. The vet I use has repeatedly wondered if my little kitty has food allergies. So, finally she decided that we should try feeding her only prescription allergy food. So I agreed. Little did I know that prescription allergy food is more costly than diamonds. (Well, okay so I'm exagerating a little bit. But just a little!) This stuff costs $43.00 for a 10lb bag of dry food. Let me repeat that: $43.00 for 10lbs! And a case of 24 cans cost $40.00. That's the medium size cans. So, today I spent $83.00 on food for the cats which I hope lasts more than 2 weeks cuz if it doesn't, then I'll be spending more on food for the cats then I do for myself.

This whole experience reminds me of when I was in college. Way back when I was a sophomore in college I had 3 cats that I couldn't afford to take care of. I was spending more on food for them then I was for myself. I am not eccentric! Even though many of you might think I am. Except that you all might be right about this! The vet who was caring for my cats when I was in college said so herself.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

How Do YOU Do It?

Okay, so I've been checking out some other blog sites and I just don't get how you all do it. How are you able to write a new post each and every day? First, when do you find the time and B. where do you get those witty ideas from? Regarding time, I wouldn't be writing this post now if my 4:00 appt had not forgotten our appointment. So, it's 4:20pm, EST, and since I have a no-show I've got 45 minutes to do something else. (Since this is a new patient, I can't charge this person for a missed appointment so I feel it completely appropriate to really do something else!) And, I've chosen this to be that "something else". So, please do tell, where do you find the time, and where do your ideas come from?

Some of the blogs I've read are really wonderful. I've learned quite a bit and have gotten quite a few really good laughs from the reads as well. So, thank you for the entertainment and if you feel like sharing where your ideas are born out of I'd love to read about it!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Ack, Reading Mom's Diary and Wanting More!

Is that a hair ball, or am I really sick? Oh no. I think I'm sick. I'd rather it be a hair ball. But I'm not so lucky. I've been sneezing on an off all day today. Yuck. I think I'm getting a cold. You know, one of those yucky, put you in bed, summer colds.'s what my post is really about.

My sister found my mom's diary a couple weeks back. She read it and told me I should read it. She said I would enjoy the read. She was right. It wasn't anything heavy. My mom wrote it during her senior year in high school. It was light reading. She mostly wrote about who she spent her day with, whether or not she went to school that day (there were a few days she played hooky) if she and my dad went out that day and on every page she wrote "I love Bob." She would also write whether or not she and Bob (my dad by the way) "scrunged" that day. I think that meant whether or not they made out. Numerous entries were quite funny. I laughed a lot.

I wish she had thought to share it with us while she was alive. What a nice time we could have reading her diary together and then talking about her high school years and dating my dad. I would have enjoyed that immensely. After having read her diary I have a ton of questions that I wish I could have asked her. And since my dad's gone too (he died 20 years ago this year) I can't ask him. So, I'll never know.

We told our brothers about having found it. My older brother is very interested in reading it. My younger brother's reaction sort of surprised me. He doesn't think he wants to read it because he feels he's invading her privacy. That made me pause, for just a brief moment. I then realized that I don't feel the same way. I think we learn a lot about people by reading their diaries...its just too bad most aren't read until after the person has passed away-cuz then we can't ask questions or ask the author to elaborate on what she's written. I told him as much and my sister and I left our mom's diary with him for him to decide whether or not he wishes to read it.

Now, my sister and I are going through my mom's photo albums. I've done that more than a million times, but now that my mom's gone, going through the pictures has a different feel. I'm looking at them differently. I want to ask a ton of questions, but there's no one to ask. I want to know who everyone is in the pictures and what they meant to my mom. And what they meant to my dad.

---A week after my mom died I received a phone call from an old friend of my mom's. I knew her way back but hadn't known that she and my mom had kept in touch all these years. She moved out of state many years ago, but whenever she returned, she would call my mom and take her out to lunch. I did not know this. Anyway, she called me and told me she would like to take me out to lunch. She and her 1st husband and children were good friends with my parents and my older brother and myself. Her husband died during the Viet Nam war. Her son and my brother were good friends and her daughter and I were good friends. Her son died when he was 16 in a car accident. I have not seen her daughter in many years. When she called and asked me to lunch I jumped at the invitation. How I long to learn more about my mom.

My feelings and thoughts about my mom are influenced by my growing up years which were fraught with dysfunction, illness and anger. Now that my mom is gone, I realize that there was more to my mother then my colored memories of her. I want to know her as a person, separate from me, separate from her being my mother. I want to know what she was like as a friend, a daughter, a sister and especially a woman. So, I'm on a mission to talk with anyyone I can find who knew my mother.

I'm truly sorry that I was not able to reach this place of understanding, curiosity and loving prior to her death however, that is the way it usually works.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

Did y'all hear the news?

Brad on The Young And The Restless is Jewish! It's in the Jewish News. Now, he's been calling himself Don Diamonte, but his real name is Bruce Feinberg. And, did you also know that Paula Abdul is Jewish. Yep, that's right. You know the are what your mother is and since her mother is Jewish, that makes her a jew. (Here's my claim to fame, or my 6 degrees of separation...Paula is a 3rd cousin of mine twice or thrice removed.)

Who else has been keeping their Jewish heritage a secret? Hmmmmm?

Friday, July 28, 2006

Cha Cha Cha Changes

Per the title:

--Pete's back!!!

--My nephew has moved in to my new (2nd house.) And, he even organized all the boxes that are taking up residence in the living room since the basement is torn apart from the water-proofing ordeal. Now the living room looks liveable. Who knew he'd be such a mench?

--And, I seem to have an attitude shift that's occurred over the past few days. You may recall from reading earlier posts that I'm trying to sell my house. This past december I purchased another house in a different city, closer to my mom and sister. Unfortunately, my mom passed away this past May, but I'm still planning to make the move just as soon as I sell my other house. I've really been struggling with my feelings about this, as I really like my first house and not so much the second. (Yes I put a ton of work into the first, including adding an upstairs master suite.) I've been really feeling conflicted about moving; being faced with the loss of my house that I love so much, and then the more painful loss of my mother. So, I've been struggling and feeling really stressed about the move, money, my work etc., but I've noticed that I'm feeling somewhat more peaceful. I think because I see myself starting my business in the "new" city differently from how I started it in the "old" city. And I see that the differences are paying off. Slowly, but none the less, paying off. That makes me happy.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

The things we do to ourselves

I am struggling today. I want to be angry with my step father. He has been cleaning out the house of all his stuff and today he got the carpets cleaned. Not something I should be upset with him for. on.... These are things my mom had wanted him to do for the longest time. She would complain to him and they would fight about this on and off for as long as I can remember. She used to complain about how miserable she was in the house. How unhappy she was about how dirty and messy the house always was. It was always so full of stuff. Really cluttered and very disorganized. He's a pack-rat. He grew up during the depression and is one of those people who feel as if he's got to have a lot of stuff, just in case the stock market crashes again and he loses all his money. A number of years ago I had even spoken with his daughter and told her that my mom was very unhappy, that he was not willing to do it himself and that we (my siblings and I) were concerned because it was so bad it was a fire hazard. But nothing changed. Anyway, so now he's doing it. The house looks great! My sister tells me the carpets look almost new. And I'm upset because I wish he would have done this when my mom was alive.

Okay, so I'm chewing on this all day and I realize that I feel guilty. Why guilt you ask? Well, let me tell you why...I think I should have done more for my mom when she was alive. I should have forced my step-dad to clean out the house of all his junk, and to get the carpets cleaned and to etc., etc., etc. And I didn't. So...I feel angry with him so I don't have to feel guilty myself for not taking better care of her.

And I chew on this for most of the evening and I realize that my mom should have taken better care of herself. And she didn't. And I did try to help her get him to clean his stuff and to enlist his daughter in trying to get him to clean his stuff. But really, she needed to be able to step up and deal with him. To take better care of herself.

Through all of this digesting...I am feeling really really sad. And missing my mom a lot this evening. I also realized that I haven't felt sad in a couple of days, and I actually found myself singing along with the stereo and dancing to the beat. And for this...I feel even more guilt.

So I chew on this for about 30 minutes and remind myself that I am not dead. That I am alive and I have to figure a way to keep on living in the face of knowing that I am (just like we all are) dying.

So, I hope I don't get indigestion.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

(to R.L., in a moment of missing)

It wasn’t just two weeks ago that you left here.
And drove to some far away place.
I think of you every day, every hour, every minute.
I think of you every breath.

It used to be that breathing was easy
when you were near.
Now, I can’t take in your scent.
Patchouli puts me in a moment of missing you.
I remember the tastes of the meals we prepared,
the rhythm of the music we listened to,
if only in a moment of missing.

You told me you had to go find something.
To make you happy.
I told you I understood.
I didn’t want to be mean. So I said that.
Now, in a moment of missing you,
I want to take it back.
I want to be mean.
You left me, remember?

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

What I've learned lately...

Okay, so I'm supposed to teach a course this fall and I'm beginning to panic a bit. My first full-semester course. I've been doing a lot of reading and believe I'm learning a lot but I don't feel I know enough to teach the class. So, I find that I always do something that complicates matters. I meander around in the citations looking at the articles and papers referenced, read them and think I need to include them in what I'll be teaching. I also do this when I'm writing articles. What happens next is I end up feeling overwhelmed and lose interest in writing or teaching because it ends up being way toooooooo much. I struggle making a plan and sticking to it. So, then I end up feeling compelled to research writing research papers and applying what I find to teaching.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006


I'm shooting for 1000 hits to my blog. I've decided that will make me feel special. Or at least that my blog is special. But, I have a hard time thinking that, really, as I haven't gotten that many comments. The one person who left the most comments seems to have fallen off the face of the blogging world. I'm not sure what happened to him, except maybe he's gotten caught up in family stuff. Who knew! Anyway...somehow the idea of having 1000 hits to my blog is really doing something for me.

If you're one of those 1000 hits I'd appreciate any comments you care to leave. As long as they are kind.

Monday, July 17, 2006

Amended list of things to do:


Believe I have enough! Posted by Picasa

I wish you enough.

This came to me in an e-mail today, and now I share it with you.

When we said , 'I wish you enough', we were wanting the other person to have a life filled with just enough good things to sustain them".

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude
Bright no matter how gray the day may appear.

I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun even more.

I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive and everlasting.

I wish you enough pain so that even the smallest of joys in life may appear bigger.

I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting.

I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess.

I wish you enough hellos to get you through the final good-bye.

Sunday, July 16, 2006

Whisker collection.

I wish I had saved all the whiskers my cat's have lost over the years. I bet I'd have quite a few, since I've had cat's since I was a teenager. But anyway, back to the whisker thing...I find them in the most unusual places and I'm always a little intrigued about them. They're (the whiskers) are so stiff and sharp on the one end, while they're so flexible and soft on the other. I know what they're all about since I've paid attention to my cats over the years. In case you don't know what whiskers are all about, you can check out this site:


So, what would I do with all those whiskers? I dunno. Maybe just keep them in a pile someplace, or put them in a jar standing up with the soft side up. That might be kind of cool.

---Sorry, I couldn't get the link command to work. I'll try again later.---

Friday, July 14, 2006

The Music Genome Project.

If you like good music, and if you are always on the look out for more good music check out this I've found some really nice music that I've never heard before by bands I've never heard of before. Go there now!

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Things To Do:

1. Sell my house.
2. Get boxes to pack stuff in.
3. Take cell phone back to store for replacement. (It randomly shuts itself off.)
4. Finish cleaning office.
5. Return phone calls.
6. Stick to weight watchers plan.
7. Laundry.

Did I mention I need to sell my house?

Something fun.

Your Observation Skills Get A B

Your senses are pretty sharp (okay, most of the time)
And it takes something big to distract you!

And more fun............

Your Birthdate:

You have a Type A personality so big it makes other Type A's shrink away in shame.
You never shy away from adversity - and you love to tackle impossible problems.
Failure is not an option for you, and more than a few people are put off by your ego.
You tend to be controlling, and you hate leaving anything up to chance.

Your strength: Your bold approach to life

Your weakness: You don't accept help

Your power color: Bronze

Your power symbol: Pyramid

Your power month: October

Miss you.

Pete, if you're out there, I miss reading your blog!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Happy 4th!

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More from Cape May Point

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Just Buzzin Around!

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Cape May Point Lighthouse


Another pic from Cape May Point. Posted by Picasa

Cape May Point


Sunrise on the beach at Cape May Point. Have you ever been? Posted by Picasa

Monday, July 10, 2006

Zack's foot.

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Zack is my new nephew. He's growing so fast! He's 3 months and 2 weeks old tomorrow! What a love he is. And how fast he's growing. I can't believe it. I am so grateful that my mom had the chance to meet him and hold him before she died. My sister is an amazing mom. (I hope she reads this post!)


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I've been away for so long I'm not sure how to get started. So much has happened. Should I start with the good stuff or the bad? I guess I'll start with what's formost on my mind. I lost my mom 2 months ago. She had an aneurysm. (I think that's how its spelled.) It was completely unexpected. She didn't have any symptoms. I am so very raw and today I've felt sick to my stomach all day. I've got so much on my mind about this but I don't feel like writing any more about it now.

On a better sister had her baby at the end of March. He is a cutey.

Thursday, February 02, 2006


I love food. Like, really, no kidding. You name it, I'll eat it...just about anything. And, as a consequence, I'm overweight and have high cholesterol. NOT! I just got the results from my latest blood work and my cholesterol is below 200! WAY BELOW!!! For the first time in years. I am so very happy. And, no...don't think I've done this on my own. I tried. I tried the all cardboard diet; basically eating anything that tasted like cardboard but was really high in fiber along with a great amount of exercise. Only, nothing worked. Then I recognized that high cholesterol runs in my family. My mom has it, my older brother has it, and my younger brother and sister's levels are moving on up there. So, I turned to drugs, good diet and continued exercise. That's how I did it.
I am overweight however. And I'm working on it. Perhaps my success at lowering my cholesterol will inspire me to continue to work at losing weight. We shall see.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Another AHHHHHHHHHHH................................

Okay, So I'm now feeling more grounded. I'm finally over my jet lag but now I'm into my desire for clean sweeping everything in my house and I'm not making any headway. Why is that? Can anyone tell me why 1 successful, smart, very reliable, clever, talented woman has such trouble cleaning up the mess she makes. You do understand that when I speak of this "woman" I am speaking of me, myself and I, don't you? And, can you believe that 1 woman can make such a mess? I look around me and I think, now how did that get to look like that? The answer is...cuz I didn't put my toys away, that's how. Toys?!? HA! Try, newspapers, books, remote control for the tv, pens, notepads...numerous ones for jotting down my thoughts and etc, souvenirs from my latest trip that I bought my entire family and list of friends but haven't given to them yet, extra cell phone battery that was recently replaced by the new one cuz the old one didn't hold a charge for very long anymore and etc., etc., etc.

Oh, and another thought.....I would rather clean someone else's house then my own. Go figure.

Monday, January 09, 2006

Sleepless in Michigan

Okay, I'm back. I went on vacation for 2 weeks half way across the world and now I'm suffering from jet lag. It was an awesome vacation. I took 1400 pictures. I uploaded them to my computer, but haven't really had a chance to go through them yet. But, here's one. I saw a lot of interesting people on this trip. The geography was absolutely amazing. I need to catch up on my sleep, pay my bills and figure out how to work while suffering from jet lag.