I started this post on the 16th and finished it today, the 24th.
Well, funny I wrote what I wrote in my last post cuz guess what??? Those birth parents did choose me! I heard from my adoption caseworker on August 13 that they wanted to meet me. My sister just happened to be at my house when the phone rang and J., the caseworker said, "So how would you feel about meeting the birthparents?" to which I replied: Holy Shit, when and really, why? She laughed and said "because they chose you!" At which point I dropped the phone. Fortunately, my sister helped to focus me. I put the call on speaker phone and we both hugged each other while J. told us the situation.
She explained that I would meet the birth parents on the 15th and laid out how these meetings usually go with one caveat...because in this case, the baby has already been born. So, J. did the best she could to let me know what to expect and to remind me about 100 times that the best thing to do is to be myself. They've already seen my adoptive profile so know a lot about me. They chose me because there's things about me they like, a lot. So I just needed to remember to be myself.
I did meet with the birth parents and spent an agonizing weekend and Monday waiting to hear if I would be the official chosen one. Late Monday night J called to give me the good news! I am a mom. Well, assuming no one changes his/her mind. So I've spent every day at the hospital spending time getting to know my daughter. I cannot begin to put into words how I feel. An initial attempt would have to include the word gratitude. Because that I am full of. Not just to the birth parents of this little angel, but to all of my friends and my acquaintances who are being very generous with all of their baby items: clothes, bassinet, crib, and more. I cannot believe how many items people have offered to either give or loan me.
And I cannot believe I am going to be a mom. The whole process has taken 9 months. This is what J. figured out for me today. She told me I've had my pregnancy. I still am waiting with bated breath in case some one changes his or her mind. I don't believe that will happen but....
Isn't she lovely?