Monday, May 11, 2009

Bubbi Judy and Zaidi Bob

Last Monday my sister and I took our children, along with our step dad, to the cemetery. It was the 3rd anniversary of our mom's death. The visit to the cemetery wasn't a quiet nor serene one as I had been thinking it should have been. But Rachel reminded me that we have kids now and kids make noise and fuss and move around and want to move and be out of the stroller and etc.. So, the visit went exactly as it was supposed to go. With kids making noise and moving all around and Zack running around. Just as they would be doing if we were visiting my parents at their home. So...

Dear mom and dad,
I hope its true what everyone says...that you know about the kids and see them and feel so proud and full of joy when you watch them playing and being loved by us, your children. I Hope you know that even though we didn't always get along or agree, I fully believe you loved me and us. That because of that love, all four of us are able to love our children. Yes, all four of us have children now. I have a daughter and Rick has a son. I believe we are all good parents because we had you for parents. Parenting isn't an easy job; with the "ghosts in the nursery" haunting every parent and the day to day issues, its amazing that anyone turns out okay. But, we did. You did the best you could and we turned out okay. Not perfect. But okay. I am proud to say I am your daughter.

Mom, I named my daughter after you and your mother. I hope you are pleased by that. I wanted to honor you both. Even though I don't remember Grandma Rose, she played a very significant role in my life. You remember when I was a child I didn't like my name and always threatened that I was going to change it as soon as I turned 18. Well, you know I could never do that. Grandma Rose named me. I still wish she had named me Sonya Ann, rather then Suanne. But she didn't. I hope Jadyn Rose likes her name. I will tell her all about the strong women whom she is named after. I will make sure she knows how much love has been passed on from generation to generation. I will share with her all my memories of you and the stories I've heard about your mother. I will help her feel strong and proud.

I hope I honor the parents you were by being the best parent I can be. Not perfect, but the best I can be.

Thank you for helping to shape who I am. I love and miss you both.


Elisabeth said...

Very nice piece! And, of course, Jadyn is incredibly beautiful. Those eyes kill me every time!

Smart Socratics said...

Thanks Elisabeth! I thought long and hard about what to say here because my mother and I were not close and hadn't been for a very long time. I was very angry with her for what I felt were her failures. Thankfully, I learned before she died, to forgive her for her humanness. She was human, not a failure!

And yes, Jadyn has incredible eyes, I agree!