I'll be back soon...after I've adjusted.
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
Where oh where have I been?
I'll be back soon...after I've adjusted.
Saturday, July 14, 2007
Adjustment Reaction with Mixed Emotional Features
I have now been living full time in my house since Monday. (I moved in on the 29th of June, but left almost immediately to go on vacation to Cape May and returned this past Monday. So, I can't count the days between the 5th and the 9th.) I am still not settled. Aside from all the boxes that I still need to unpack, my rhythm is all discombobulated. I am used to traveling back and forth between houses. Half a week here, half a week there and I can't quite seem to feel grounded. I don't remember what it's like to have one toothbrush and one makeup bag. And, to not have to think about what work clothes to pack and hopefully not forget to bring back to the other house.
My emotional state has been quite up and down lately. What with the move, vacation, boxes all over, cat being ill, paying 2 mortgages, believing that my "old" house was sold, being disappointed that it's not sold, not being able to fully utilize my kitchen for cooking because there are too many boxes, can's and pots and pans all over the place with no place to put everything, I've been feeling quite a lot. I've been feeling distressed, sad, angry, happy, joyful, frustrated, disappointed, disgruntled, depressed, envious, worried, fearful, frightened, excited, and the list goes on and on and on.
Another area of tension for me is the traffic load here in metro Detroit as compared to Mid-Michigan. There is a lot more traffic here which means that there are a lot more people driving like tools then in mid-Michigan. And, I tend to take bad driving personal. I work really hard to not react when some asshole cuts me off, but sometimes I say aggressive things out loud. Thankfully, the windows are shut most of the time. I also have to try really hard to not honk my horn, flick my brights on and off or whatever because as my sister points out, that person I just flipped off might have a gun and have less control over their impulses then I do.
On a good note, there are quite a lot more good grocery stores and oodles more good restaurants. I haven't begun to explore the restaurant scene, but rest assured that I will.
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Friday, July 13, 2007
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Did I say "It's a Done Deal?!?!?!?"
There will be no, I repeat NO house closing on Monday. The inspection was yesterday and I truly thought everything would be okay. Well, it was not. There were 2 things the inspector found that blew me away. Almost literally.
Plus, my Realtor initially did not know why the people had backed out of the deal. Not until later that is. But, in the meantime, having heard the news that they had backed out, I flipped out.
So, here's what was found. The first is minor. Something that needs addressing, but minor none the less. There is evidence of carpenter ants in the ceiling above my sun room. I was not aware of this, but now that I think about it, I had noticed some dust in the corners of the floor. Not regular dust, but bigger dust. so, this makes sense, and I've already called someone to get out there to take care of it. There. Done.
The second thing is very minor...to me. But very major to the "buyers" (she snears.) The inspector found some evidence of water damage. Now, let me explain that my house sits below the soil grade. You have to take a step down to get into it. And, the inspector saw some old water damage that he indicated was not recent, but was concerned about because there could be some structural damage. But what gets me is that no one bothered to check with me about this. And, because I had had the leak fixed almost 15 years ago, I had completely forgot about it and therefore did not put it on the disclosure statement. My bad. So, here's what happened with the leak...prior to my having an office in my house I had to convert one of the bedrooms to my office. That meant I had to have a window removed so a door could be put in. The guys I hired to do the work did a shitty job and as soon as I realized there was a problem, noted because water would come into the house at the doorway when it rained, I had it repaired. And, to take extra precautions to prevent it from happening again, I had a drain system put in. No problems since. Had the "buyers" asked I would have been able to clarify the issue. I am dumbfounded that they would not have asked especially since the inspector said the damage was not recent, but perhaps even before my moving into the house. But, it was during my stay and not for long and is fixed.
I am recovered from my flip out, but am still feeling very incredulous about the whole thing.
My Realtor did put in a call to the "buyers" Realtor to tell him what I did about the problem, but we still don't know for sure if that was the water damage the inspector found, or if there was some other source of damage. And, I have not heard if they are reconsidering or not. I do not have my hopes up.
Oy Vey.
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
It's a done deal!
Plus, I'm all moved. except for some garden plants and my wall speakers. Which I reserved to keep.
Last Thursday I went to visit my friends who have a house at Cape May Point. My realtor called me on Thursday to let me know they accepted my offer. I returned yesterday knowing that the inspection is scheduled for tomorrow. Yippee!!!
What a relief. Now I just have to unpack and get settled in my new house.
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Friday, June 29, 2007
Brief report on the goings on around here.
Tomorrow is the big furniture moving day. Well, my books too as well as the garage stuff, patio furniture and other miscellaneous stuff. I am feeling better about the move now. Especially since a friend of mine came over to the new house last night and together we spent a total of 8 hours (4 per person) getting the kitchen almost all set. Whew! What a job that was.
In the process I was able to put some things away in the closets. The man who finished the basement for me was finally able to put the shelves up in the closets as well as create a closet system for me in my walk-in closet in the basement. As a result, I was able to move some things around and clear out some of the stuff that was all over the house. Things look much better now and as a consequence, I feel much better.
An issue that came up for me, completely unrelated to the move, is my youngest and littlest cat had diarrhea all over the new house while I was back in the old house for 5 days. There were spots of it all over the carpet I had just had cleaned, as well as on the new carpet in the basement. Plus, I saw spots that looked like urine with some blood in it. Add to this, the previous week she had swallowed some dental floss, which I did not know was dental floss until I took the specimen to the vet who identified as such, and not a tape worm. Which is what I thought it was. Needless to say, I've had quite the time with this cat recently including spending hundreds of dollars on vet bills. Hopefully, all is well now. She had no ill effects of the dental floss, and we're checking the urine to see if there's an infection and I surmised that the diarrhea is due to stress as well as not eating the food she normally eats, which is for her severe food allergies. Oy vey!
One more report....those folks who came to look at my house 3 and then 4 times are coming again today for the 5th time. What is up with that? I can only assume they like it, otherwise why look at it 5 times. Now they just need to make me an offer I can't refuse! Otherwise, I'll have to charge them a gawkers fee!
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
Waste not, want not.
The idea of being a wasteful person does not sit well with me. I also like to think of myself as a person who is environment friendly. You know, I recycle.
It's sooooooo funny to me when I think of just how much stuff I waste. And, what I consider important. Like, for instance, I only use Charmin toilet paper. Charmin is not earth friendly, but I prefer its texture over the earth friendly tp texture. This, amongst many other infractions, makes me not so environmentally conscious.
Just so you know, I have replaced all of my light-bulbs with the energy-saving light bulbs. So, this makes me feel good. But, when I ended up throwing away all that food turned bad I felt like I was a hypocrite. I really have got to get more serious about this aspect of me - caring for the earth aspect.
What do you do for the environment?
See you on the flip side
Wish me luck....... and pray that my lovely furniture doesn't get scratched or marred by the big, burly moving men.
(I hope they're good looking!)
Sunday, June 24, 2007
6 days left.......
I am very attached to this old house of mine. I've been here since 1992. This is the first house I ever bought. I bought it when I was not yet 30. About 4 years ago, before I knew I was going to move, I put an addition on it. I built a second story-master suite with a beautiful bedroom, bath and walk-in closet. You might remember some of the pictures from a previous post. (Sorry, no link today.) I've lost 2 of my beloved pets while living in this house. In addition, I obtained a post-graduate certificate in psychoanalysis and I've completed an analysis of my own. One in which I've learned quite a bit about myself. Where you could say, as my sister did earlier today, I found myself, all while living in this house.
The decision to move was based on numerous factors.
1. My mother's health was declining and I wanted to be closer to where she lived.
2. I wanted to be closer to where my sister and her family lived to allow me to
develop close relations with her children.
3. I can make more money in the city to which I am moving.
So, one and a half years ago I bought a little house thinking that I would be able to sell the old house rather quickly. Because I was not, and mostly because my mom died unexpectedly last May, I have been grieving all sorts of things. There is another issue at play here. I desperately wish to have a child and have not been able to. I am 45 and my biological clock is ticking rather loudly. I'm not sure if having a child will be possible for me. I've got some medical issues that might make it impossible. This makes me very very sad.
Once I know if I am unable to have a child, I will have to let go of the fantasies of raising a child. I am going to miss this house. I am missing my mom. I am going to miss the fantasies of being a mom.
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
10 days, but really only 4.
I'll be back--so don't forget about me.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Home selling.
Whoa!!! Someone is coming to look at my house tomorrow for the third time. Yes, you read that right...the 3rd time. Plus, she wanted information about the utilities...like how much I paid for the past year. I hurriedly whipped up a report using my quicken telling how much I spent on water, gas, electric and sewer for the past 2 years. That should make her happy.
Keep your fingers crossed. I am ready to sever my connections to mid-Michigan and selling my house would surely be nice.
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Only 18 days left!
So, if you don't hear from me in a while, you know why.
Monday, June 04, 2007
My Stuff
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Sunday, June 03, 2007
India Arie
I really like India Arie. She has 2 songs that really send me.
Video
Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul
I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie
When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see
I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie
Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows
But, I've drawn a conclusion, it's all an illusion, confusion's the name of the
game
A misconception, a vast deception
Something's gotta change
Don't be offended this is all my opinion
ain't nothing that I'm sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share with
y'all
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Clear your mind, now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
'Cuz everything's gonna be all right
I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie
Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your Kristal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don't need your silicon I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine
I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie
and Beautiful Flower but I can't find the lyrics. I think the song is too new.
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Wednesday, May 30, 2007
Countdown Continues
I'm hoping to create another beautiful space at the next house.
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Tuesday, May 29, 2007
See Sue Bitch.

- ~I wanted to cancel my gym membership so I called them and they told me I had to come in to close the account. They would collect my gym card then and have me sign a resignation letter. I told them I would be happy to mail them my card and write a letter of resignation. They told me I had to come in. Okay, ugh.
- ~I want to move my internet/cable from one house to the other, while keeping my same e-mail address. The cable company told me that since I already have an open account at the new house, I have to close my old account at the old house, turn in the cable modem and open another account at the new house where they will bring me a new cable modem. Huh?
- ~I need to buy replacement legs for a sofa that I bought from a fire and water restoration place...I needed a sofa to seat the folks who were going to paying their respects during the time my mother died so my nephew arranged for this one, it's really nice by the way, just sans legs. You'd think it would be easy to get replacement legs by going to a furniture store or a hardware store...but HAH! not so easy. The furniture store wants the make and model of the sofa so they can order them from the manufacturer. I just want to buy 4 friggin sofa legs to attach to the bottom of the sofa.
- ~I have 3 (yes THREE) windsurfing boards that I want to get rid of. And, YES, I LIVE IN MID MICHIGAN. WHO WINDSURFS IN MID MICHIGAN?!? I did at one point on the small local lake, but not any longer and for some unknown reason, I did not dispose of them prior to now. OY VEY! Wanna buy a windsurfing board and the equipment to go with?
- ~I need to arrange for carpet cleaning and sofa cleaning at my new house. And I have to be able to be there when it gets cleaned. Not so easy when one travels between 2 house that are almost 100 miles apart.
- ~And to top it all off, I still have packing to do!
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Sunday, May 27, 2007
Truth can be painful
John Ciardi
(1916-1986)
True
or False
Real emeralds are worth more than synthetics
but the only way to tell one from the other
is to heat them to a stated temperature,
then tap. When it's done properly
the real one shatters.
I have no emeralds.
I was told this about them by a woman
who said someone had told her: True or false,
I have held my own palmful of bright breakage
from a truth too late. I know the principle.
Pleasantville
What do you think?
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Thursday, May 24, 2007
Ahhhhhhhh
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If you ever wanted to give me a gift, besides the ones listed in the sidebar, you wouldn't go wrong if you gave me this. I absolutely adore this. I have discovered that the good stuff is the best stuff. I've tried the not so good and have been sorely disappointed. So, I now only by the good stuff. Besides, when I eat the good stuff, I don't need as much to get the same feeling/rush as I do when I eat the cheap stuff. So, the saying, a little goes a long way really applies here. And, the cheap stuff is so waxy. Yuck. Who wants to eat wax? I like a nice smooth finish. This particular kind has some chunks in it, but the stuff holding the chunks in place has a definite smooth finish. Try it for yourself, I'm confident you will like it!
Monday, May 21, 2007
To mom
For instance, shortly after I bought my "old" house she had come for a visit and said "what a cute little house you have." I was stuck on the word "little". My feelings were hurt. Now, of course my house was little. At the time, prior to the second story addition, it was only 950 sq. ft. But I thought she could have left off the "little" part in her statement.
On another occasion, after my siblings and I had finished sprucing up her yard for mothers day when I went to help her outside she said to me, after I told her we had finished, "When are you going to do the backyard?" Not, wow, how nice it looks and thanks so much for all the hard work you all have done, but "When are you going to do the backyard?" Needless to say she hurt my feelings again. I very kindly told her so and thought she would be best served by not saying those words to my siblings, but instead should thank them for all the hard work they had put into making her front yard very pretty!
On yet another occasion, after I had just bought a myself a Volvo to drive, I stopped by her house to take both her and my sister, who was meeting us at my mom's, out for a bite to eat. My mom got in the car and as we were driving she asked "So, how do you like your new Vulva?" I replied with a lot of laughter and squeals (my sister was guffawing it up in the backseat) and I said "I love it, mom, thanks for asking. Now I just need to find someone to ride in it with me." Which, of course, sent my sister, who was already laughing hysterically, way over the hysterical laughter edge! We were laughing so hard we both had tears rolling down our faces. And, our poor mother didn't get it until I explained to her that instead of saying Volvo, she asked about my Vulva. She was always a good sport and didn't mind that my sister and I were just bent over with hysterics. My mom, too, got a good laugh out of the exchange.
I miss those times...all of them. Even the hurtful ones. Because I know she didn't really mean to be hurtful, sometimes I think she wasn't being mindful of what she said and how other's might take the things she said. Just as I know I am not always mindful of what I say, to whom I say it, and the words I choose to use. And, I know I do not mean to be hurtful to others, but I am human and I make mistakes. Just as she did. And, most importantly, I know my mother loved me.
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Dry postings
In spite of the dryness, did you have any thoughts about wanting, self actualization, taking an active role in your life, fulfilling your potential and integrity? Let me know if you did.
Friday, May 18, 2007
I want...
And, yes I know I can do something about all of these. And I want that too. To be doing something about all of these. So, the question is...what stops me? What gets in my way? And, of course, the answer is "I stop me. I get in my own way."
From Wikipedia:
Ethics in psychology
By the 1960s there was increased interest in moral reasoning. Psychologists such as Lawrence Kohlberg
developed theories which are based on the idea that moral behavior is
made possible by moral reasoning. Their theories subdivided moral
reasoning into so-called stages, which refer to the set of principles
or methods that a person uses for ethical judgment. The first and most
famous theory of this type was Kohlberg's theory of moral development.
Carol Gilligan,
a student of Kohlberg's, argued that women tend to develop through a
different set of stages from men. Her studies inspired work on an ethic of care, which particularly defines itself against Rawlsian-type justice- and contract-based approaches.
Another group of influential psychological theories with ethical implications is the humanistic psychology movement. One of the most famous humanistic theories is Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs. Maslow argued that the highest human need is self-actualization, which can be described as fulfilling one's potential, and trying to fix what is wrong in the world. Carl Rogers's
work was based on similar assumptions. He thought that in order to be a
'fully functioning person', one has to be creative and accept one's own
feelings and needs. He also emphasized the value of self-actualization.
A similar theory was proposed by Fritz Perls, who assumed that taking responsibility of one's own life is an important value.
R.D. Laing developed a broad range of thought on interpersonal psychology.
This deals with interactions between people, which he considered
important, for an ethical action always occurs between one person and
another. In books such as The Politics of Experience, he dealt with
issues concerning how we should relate to persons labeled by the
psychiatric establishment as "schizophrenic".
He came to be seen as a champion for the rights of those considered
mentally ill. He spoke out against (and wrote about) practices of psychiatrists which he considered inhumane or barbaric, such as electric shock treatment. Like Wittgenstein, he was frequently concerned with clarifying the use of language in the field — for example, he suggested that the effects of psychiatric drugs (some of which are very deleterious, such as tardive dyskinesia)
be called just that: "effects", and not be referred to by the preferred
euphemisms of the drug companies, who prefer to call them "side
effects". Laing also did work in establishing true asylums as places of
refuge for those who feel disturbed and want a safe place to go through
whatever it is they want to explore in themselves, and with others.
A third group of psychological theories that have implications for the nature of ethics are based on evolutionary psychology.
These theories are based on the assumption that the behavior that
ethics prescribe can sometimes be seen as an evolutionary adaptation.
For instance, altruism towards members of one's own family promotes one's inclusive fitness.
Moral ethics. Yep, that's what I want more of.
There's some food for thought for you.
(And me too!)
The truth is, I've known about ethics and integrity and self actualization for a very long time. I've been in therapy for many years. Jeez, I am a therapist. With all that said, I still want and want and want. At least now my wants are in my control. It's not like what I used to want...to be taller for example. That I can do nothing about. All the things I mentioned above that I want are all things that I can do and am doing something about. Sometimes I get impatient however. Like now. But then I remind myself that acquiring all the things I want is a life-long journey. And every day I get closer and closer to feeling satisfied.
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Monday, May 14, 2007
6 weeks and 4 days.
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Saturday, May 12, 2007
Mother's Day
My family had a regular way of celebrating. Every Mother's Day my siblings and I would gather together early at my mom's house and work on her front garden. We would pull the weeds, trim all the flowering plants and bushes, head over to the nearest nursery where we would purchase some annuals for her and return back to her house to plant them. My sister-in-law would be in charge of creating some planters for my mom's front porch while my brother and sister and I would plant the rest of the flowers. My step-dad would help too by picking up the debris we would pile up for bagging. Then we would help my mom come outside so she could see how beautiful her yard looked. She loved it.
When I would ask her what she wanted for Mother's Day it was always the same request. That my siblings and I would tend to her front yard. So, we would. We've done it for many years. There were times when I resented having to go to her house to tend to her garden when I have my own huge garden to take care of. However I never told her no.
After we would finish up with doing the gardening, we would then have a brunch together. This usually consisted of bagels and cream cheese and eggs. Nothing fancy because later on we would all re-gather for a bar-b-que at my mom's house. We would cook ribs, corn on the cob, salad and baked potato and have some kind of dessert. Again, at her request. She never wanted to go out to eat. She always wanted us to all be together at her house on Mother's Day. Unfortunately, my older brother was seldom able to join us. He had moved away a long time ago and, well, I can't remember a time when he joined us on Mother's Day.
Last years Mother's Day went by in a blur since it was only days after my mother had passed. This year's seems to be more profound for me. My sister has a 13 month old son. He was born just 5 weeks prior to my mother's death and at her request, we will be having a bar-b-que at her house. I haven't asked her yet what she would like to have to eat, but I suspect it will be ribs, corn on the cob, salad and baked potato. I feel ambivalent about this gathering. I miss my mom a lot and feel like I want to be by myself to mourn. My sister really wants us all to be together as a way of remember and celebrating our mother, as well as celebrating her new motherhood. I want to be able to grant my sister's wish and hope I find it within myself to do so.
If you are a mother, then I wish you a happy Mother's Day!
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Thursday, May 10, 2007
Moving date
I am feeling relieved knowing that I will be finally living in 1 house with all of my belongings and my 2 cats. And especially relieved that I won't have to be driving nearly as much as I do.
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Wednesday, May 09, 2007
Monday, May 07, 2007
Out with the Bad, In with the other Bad
So, instead of writing something lengthy here, cuz I really don't have the energy for it, I decided I'd let you peruse some of my pictures.
This is a picture of my bedroom. What do you think?
And here is my deck. Do you like it?
Now you're looking at my sunroom.
Now, don't these pictures make you think "wow, I really have to have that house for my own."
I'm hoping to feel better tomorrow, since I visited with my Dr. today and got some drugs.
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Love
For years I was angry for those reasons. It took a long time and a lot of therapy for me to stop being angry and bitter at my mother and at him. I came to accept him as a good and kind and loving man who truly loved my mother. He never acted as if he wanted to replace my father. In stead, he loved my mother and tried his best to take good care of her. In turn, she loved him and tried her best to take good care of him.
Undoubtedly they had their troubles, just like all couples do. But when things were the most difficult, they were there for each other. And, he was there for my mother during the most difficult times when her health was at her worst.
My siblings and I have silently agreed that he is a part of our family. We did that many years ago. And we act as if he and my mother were married. When major decisions about my mother's care needed to be made, we included him in the process.
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Friday, May 04, 2007
One year.
My sister, nephew, step-father and I commemorated this day by going to the cemetary this morning. For me, it was uneventful but I am glad I went.
Wednesday, May 02, 2007
I'm Back!


Thursday, April 19, 2007
Vacation
I'm standing here outside your door (well, outside my door.)
I hate to wake you up to say goodbye (I hope you're not sleeping now, cuz its 2 in the afternoon my time but I do want to say goodbye until after the 29th. I won't have time to blog until then so...goodbye!)
The taxi's waiting (we've hired a metro car to take us to the airport!)
He's blowing his horn (jeez I hope he doesn't cuz it will be 5 in the morning and the neighbors will be pissed.)
I'm already so lonesome I could die (well, I am traveling with my sister so I don't think I'll be all that lonesome, and forgive me blog fans, but you are not my life.)
So kiss me and smile for me (well, only kiss me if you are a very handsome, very available nice Jewish fella in his mid 30's to 40's interested in sweeping me off my feet, smile for me if your anybody!)
Tell me that you'll wait for me (and read my blog when I get back.)
Hold me like you'll never let me go (but don't squeeze too tight cuz I won't be able to breathe.)
I'm leaving on a jet plane (and a really big boat.)
Don't know when I'll be back again (actually I do, on the 29th.)
Oh babe I hate to go (NOT!)
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Murder at Virginia Tech
What about Virginia Tech's Administration? Did they not do enough to protect the students at the University. I read that the news about the shooting in the dorm did not get released until a couple hours after the shooting. Had the information been made public earlier, would that have saved the other victims?
What about gun-control? Since the suspect was taking anti-depressants, should he have been allowed to purchase a gun? Are the rules about gun purchases strict enough?
What about the professors who knew that the suspects writings were filled with themes of violence? I read that he had been referred for psychotherapy. Should he have been forced to enter into a therapeutic relationship? Should he have been expelled from school for his writings since at least one of his professors was concerned?
What could have been done that was not done? I suspect nothing.
I don't want this post to be mostly about the suspect. But there isn't much information available about the victims. May they rest in peace.
Monday, April 16, 2007
Remember that time...
This is what I wrote: Remember that time we walked to your house that day after school when we were 8 and your mom made us chocolate chip cookies and milk to snack on. She sat down at the table with us because we were both crying about the boy who was teasing us by pulling your hair and pinching me on the arm. Your mom told us that when boys tease that means they like you. Remember when we looked at each other and made faces and blew bubbles in our milk because we didn't care about boys liking us. Remember when we were in junior high and that boy was still teasing us? Remember when we were in high school and he was still teasing us? And remember when we were in college and living in the dorm together and that boy was still teasing us? Well, I married that boy!
Post your stories about us in the comments!
VACATION!!!!!!!!!!
Changes involving working on (aka finishing the basement to make room for all my furniture) my soon to be new permanent residence and as a consequence, racking up a lot of debt; which I haven't been in for a decade or so; which causes me ton's of stress as I worry about many things, money especially. Second on my list is praying that my current house sells soon. It's been on the market for a year now and with the economy being the way it is in mid-Michigan, well who knows when it will sell. Third on the list is trying to find ways of coping with the unexpected loss of my mother just last Spring. Fourth on the list is trying to not beat myself up for gaining weight, instead of losing it. Fifth on the stress list includes that very personal, threatening to my psyche, don't want to publish it on the internet just yet until I'm comfortable with it, thing. I could go on here, but I think you get the idea.
So, my reading list for the trip looks like this:
Bird by Bird by Anne Lamott (I'm half way through this and I'd like to finish it.)
Writing Down The Bones by Natalie Goldberg
The Measure of a Man by Sidney Poitier
And whatever fiction books my sister brings along.
I bet I finish the top two and what I borrow from my sister.
My activities list looks like this:
Sit on the deck
Read
Sit on the deck some more
Read some more
Walk the deck (there may even be a track to walk on)
Sit some more
Okay, you get it.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
mom
Multiple sclerosis: Function: noun : a demyelinating disease marked by patches of hardened tissue in the brain or the spinal cord and associated especially with partial or complete paralysis and jerking muscle tremor.
My mom had the relapsing/remitting kind: Relapsing-Remitting MS :In this form of MS there are unpredictable relapses (exacerbations, attacks) during which new symptoms appear or existing symptoms become more severe. This can last for varying periods (days or months) and there is partial or total remission (recovery). The disease may be inactive for months or years. * Frequency - approx 25%)
But she died from an aneurysm unrelated to her M.S.
I miss her.
Thursday, April 12, 2007
How personal do I get here.
Friday, April 06, 2007
Amendment to previous post
Now, just because I don't frequent my local KK does not mean that I don't like donuts, or don't have an amazingly powerful sweet tooth. I LOVE SWEETS! (Especially dark chocolate with 70% cocoa. Dr. Oz says 70% or more is better for you but I think any more than 70 is way too bitter for my taste.) I just try really hard to not eat too many sweets and sometimes I don't have as much discipline as I would like to have.
I know I've mentioned in previous posts that I would like to lose some weight. Actually, again following Dr. Oz's advice, I'd like to lose some inches in my waist. I weigh quite a bit, but as I used to lift weights regularly and windsurf I am very muscular and solid. And, we all know that muscle weighs more then fat so my weight is actually greater then what I look like I should weigh. I have really cut down on how much food I eat. I try to exercise, but still struggle to fit that into my daily routine. And sometimes I eat too many sweets. Not just the dark chocolate...because I am very good about limiting my intake of that. But things like dried fruit, cookies, jelly beans, peeps, and etc.. Now, I never ever buy the cookies, jelly beans, peeps and etc.. My best friend, who has 3 little kids, always has junk food. She does not buy it either; the babysitter will bring it over, or my friend's mother brings it, or my friend's husband, who also has a sweet tooth and is not overweight, will buy the sweet stuff and hence, when I am visiting and preparing desserts for the kids, I will snack on it too.
Monday, April 02, 2007
KRISPY KREME NO LONGER GIVING AWAY FREE DOUGHNUTS

OH MY! I stopped by my local Krispy Kreme tonight hoping to pick up one of their free, hot off the roller, glazed doughnuts. However, when I was walking towards the door I noticed that there was a hand written sign taped to it that said "As of April 1, 2007 Krispy Kreme will no longer be giving away free doughnuts to its customers...." I was so upset that I couldn't read the rest of the sign. Consequently, I don't know what prompted Krispy Kreme to make this decision. I've been trying to find some information on the web about this but I haven't been successful. If you know something about this, let me know cuz I'm curious. Here's what I wonder...why would Krispy Kreme cease to give away free doughnuts when at the end of the night they throw away dozens and dozens of doughnuts. When I asked one of the clerks at my local Kremery, she told me about throwing away the doughnuts and she told me that they used to donate the left overs but they've stopped that practice too. The employees can't take them home to their loved ones either. For the life of me, I can't understand why they stopped the practice of giving away the doughnuts.
I suppose part of my feeling so out of sorts about this is that I have a really hard time throwing away food. It seems such a waste especially when there are so many people who don't have enough to eat. (Remember in a previous post I mentioned one of the things my mother used to tell me was that I should only put on my plate what I can eat and eat what's on my plate cuz there are people in other countries starving. I don't believe I mentioned that one of my responses to her was to offer to pack up and send my leftover food to those poor starving people. You can imagine that she never took me up on my offer.) REALLY!!! I cannot wrap my brain around the wisdom behind the decision to stop giving away free doughnuts, when those said doughnuts end up in the trash. What is up with that?!?
Friday, March 30, 2007
Integrity
Here's what the Merriam Webster dictionary says integrity means:
1 : firm adherence to a code of especially moral or artistic values : INCORRUPTIBILITY
2 : an unimpaired condition : SOUNDNESS
3 : the quality or state of being complete or undivided : COMPLETENESS
synonym see HONESTY
I like the idea of acting from an unimpaired and undivided place. I would like to say that I act this way all the time, but I don't. I made a commitment to myself to act with integrity and to act from a place of integrity as often as I can. And when I find myself acting from a place of immorality or dishonesty or judgment I move myself back to a place of integrity as soon as humanly possible.
I saw on Oprah's show recently that she had a minister who was encouraging his congregation to not complain. The church had these purple bracelets made, like the WWJD bracelets, with the words "A complaint free world" written on it and are sending them to all over the world. The idea is to get people to not complain for 21 days. Supposedly 21 days is how long it takes to create a habit. So, the idea is if you don't complain for 21 days, then you have a habit of not complaining. Here's the recipe for making a new habit of not complaining...you put your bracelet on your wrist and when you find yourself complaining, you move it to the other wrist. You do this until you've gone 21 days without complaining, and then you've created a new habit. You can continue to wear your bracelet as a reminder to yourself and to show others that you are into not complaining. Of course, whenever you complain you have to move your bracelet to the other wrist.
Now, I think the idea of wearing a bracelet is sort of corny, but I like the idea of not complaining. Complaining does not fall into my definition of integrity and hey, if wearing a bracelet helps you to remember to not complain, then more power to ya!
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
It's my birthday!

Today is my birthday and I thought I'd contemplate what I am thankful for.
I am thankful for:
my health
I think first and foremost on this sub-list are my ability to think, see, walk, talk, touch, taste, smell and hear. Not necessarily in that order. As I age I am becoming more and more aware of how lucky I am that I am for the most part, healthy. I have high cholesterol and take medicine for that, but everything else is good. I am a tad overweight and not as flexible as I used to be, but I work on that.
my loved ones
Especially my sister, who is also my best friend. I am very grateful that she loves me unconditionally. I am not sure what I would do if I didn't have her. She has been my rock and my confidant during times of chaos, trauma and joy. And, she is 9 years my junior. She might be younger than I am, but sometimes I think she is much, much wiser.
I am also thankful for my brothers, nieces and nephews, and my friends. I am grateful to have so many people in my life who love me. There was a time when I wasn't aware of how loved I am and have been. But I am aware now. And I feel lucky.
the knowledge that my parents loved me
Even though both my parents are deceased, my father died in 1986 and my mother died in 2006 and losing both my parents has been incredibly traumatic for me, it has been so incredibly helpful to me knowing that both my parents loved me very, very much.
my ability to care for myself
I feel very empowered when I am taking good care of myself. That means when I'm eating right, sleeping well, taking vitamins, being responsible with my money and living in my integrity.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Things my mother told me:
Here are my mother's "Rules For Living":
1. Always wear a clean, unholy pair of underwear. Just in case you get into a car accident you wouldn't want the ER doctor to see your holy underwear.---I always listen to my mother.
2. Never go outside without dressing nice, doing your hair and wearing make-up. You always want to make a good impression because you never know who you will run into. It could be a really nice, single, handsome, jewish guy.---I mostly listen to my mother.
3. Always make your bed. You never know who will stop by one day and you'll want to give them a tour of your nice house and you'll be so embarrassed if your bed isn't made.---I always listen to my mother.4. Always brush your teeth in the morning and at night. And always floss your teeth at least once a day. You only have 1 set of teeth and you want them to last a lifetime.---I always listen to my mother.
5. Drive safely, you're carrying precious cargo.---I mostly listen to my mother.
6. Call mom when you get home, even though you're in your 40's she will worry.---I always got annoyed with her when she would tell me this, but always called her so she wouldn't worry, and as I said in a previous post...missed her telling me this since she's died.
7. Don't take more food then you can eat, and always eat whats on your plate. There are people starving in Africa. You should be grateful for what you've got.---I always listen to my mother, even though sometimes my eyes are bigger then my stomach. What happens then is that my stomach stretches to accommodate all that food and no wonder I'm overweight.
Did I forget any?
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Zack! He had a blast, ate tons of cake (never had sugar before in his whole life...1 year exactly on Tuesday), played with balloons, had a meltdown when he first got there cuz he was scared but his aunt (aka ME) calmed him, and best of all, got some really awesome gifts!

Here he is giving his new "Noony" (aka Snoopy) stuffed animal an eskimo kiss. He loves him some Noony!
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Another 1st.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
1sts


My nephew, who turns one on the 27th of this month, got his haircut for the first time ever today. My sister, in following with someones (I don't know whose) tradition of not cutting the baby's hair until s/he turns one, didn't cut his hair until today. Even though her big sister (aka ME) pestered her incessantly about cutting his hair because the sides were incredibly long and he was starting to look like a girl.
Before they head out to the barber for his cut I call her and whine to her that i've changed my mind; she shouldn't cut his hair. That he won't look like a baby anymore. And she laughs at me while I get teary eyed at the thought of my sweet baby nephew no longer being a baby.
So, she gets home and sends me pictures and I cry. I was right, he doesn't look like a baby anymore. He looks like a little boy. (Well, isn't that what he is?) And that makes me feel sad...for the fact that he's growing up and moving closer to being one. His 1st birthday.
Moving us closer to another 1st. The 1st anniversary of my mother's death.
Save for the fact that his birth is so close to my mother's death...and that makes me sad...not that I have a wonderful, sweet, lovely nephew, but that its been almost 1 year since my mom died.
Someone told me, the other day, that she would feel better as the 1st year anniversary drew near, then she would closer to the 1st month anniversary. I can't wrap my mind around that. I think I would rather be closer to the 1st month anniversary. For me, that would mean that I have more recent clear memories of my mother. Memories of having spoken with her, of having visited with her. Memories of the sound of her voice. But being closer to the 1st year leaves me with more faded memories. And that makes me sad.
Monday, March 19, 2007
Cruisin in the afternoon


My sister convinced me to take a vacation with her and her husband and son. We are taking a cruise. This is the boat we will be traveling on and the map shows our destination. I've never been, but they have and they love it. I'm not sure I will love it though. My idea of a vacation is one where I get to experience the local culture. I am not a sun goddess. But I do love to read and wouldn't mind spending a week reading for pleasure instead of for work. As I learn more about our trip, I'll fill you in.
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Living My Best Life.
I really started living my best life after my mom died last year. Her death has led me to be mindful of many things. Including not having any regrets when I die. I've changed a lot since I decided to "Live My Best Life." I've cleaned my house and thrown away all sorts of things I was saving because I thought I would need this or that sometime, only the sometime never came. I also donated all the clothes I haven't worn in a year. I also followed Dr. Oz's advice and cleaned out my cupboards and refrig of all the bad things. As a result of this last effort, I've lost 5lbs and an inch without trying too hard.
I'm also on the verge of making some major changes in my life. Coming to the decision to make these changes was fairly traumatic, but since I've made them, and taken action on them I feel pretty good.
Friday, March 09, 2007
Weather report
I am just schvitzing! For those of you who aren't Jewish, and don't speak Yiddish schvitzing means sweating.
I've taken to wearing layers so I can shed them 1 by 1 without giving my office neighbors a peep show. They would probably like that, however I would not.
Okay...back to work now. I just needed a break.
Thursday, March 08, 2007
Weather warm-up
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Cheater cheater
I think I cheated when I "wrote" my post on lemons. I really don't think I wrote it. Well, I wrote the first paragraph, and posted one of my pictures but the rest I didn't write. So, I apologize for misleading you and I will now write about lemons.
I like lemons. {See my picture on left.} I think they are gorgeous! Besides being gorgeous fruit I use them for so many things. I use them to season food. I love lemon garlic chicken. And I make a mean lemon garlic chicken dish. I also use lemons to season my water, to lighten my hair, to tighten my pores, to make my garbage disposal smell nice and to clean the smell of garlic and onions off my hands. Just saying the word lemon conjures up, in my mind, a wonderful smell. The word has also been used to describe a certain type of yellow.
What do you think about lemons?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Did I say Basement Shmasement?
Now that's a basement! This is the basement in my new house. See how nice it looks? Do you think this space will be used for storage? That's right, not on your life.
Notice the nice fireplace? It isn't working right now, but it will be by the time all is said and done.
I also have a nice bathroom, pantry, office, laundry room space and walk-in closet (leftover from my old house.) I think I'm going to like this space.
Monday, March 05, 2007
When Life Gives You Lemons Make Lemonade.

Who knew that lemon's were so lovely and yet so impossible a fruit with such versatile uses except, of course, to be eaten raw by most adults. This picture is of a toddler I know who had no trouble devouring her half of the lemon. Her twin brother had no trouble eating his half. I wonder why toddlers don't seem to mind the intense sourness of the fruit, while most adults I know can't tolerate it. Read the following:
When I was just a lad of ten, my father said to me
"Come here and take a lesson from the lovely Lemon Tree"
"Don't put your faith in love, my boy" my father said to me
"I fear you'll find that love is like the lovely Lemon Tree"
Lemon Tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat
Lemon Tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat
One day beneath the Lemon Tree, my love and I did lie
A girl so sweet that when she smiled the stars rose in the sky
We passed that summer lost in love beneath the lemon tree
the music of her laughter hid my father's words from me
Lemon Tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat
Lemon Tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat
One day she left without a word. She took away the sun
And in the dark she left behind, I knew what she had done
She'd left me for another, it's a common tale but true
A sadder man but wiser now I sing these words to you
Lemon Tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat
Lemon Tree very pretty and the lemon flower is sweet
but the fruit of the poor lemon is impossible to eat
(According to Wikipedia, Will Holt wrote this song. Peter, Paul and Mary recorded as well as a number of other artists.)
and............
Lemon trees bloom and produce fruit year-round. Each tree can produce between 500 and 600 pounds of lemons in a year.
Next time you have a sore throat, reach for a lemon!
Add the juice of one lemon to an equal amount of hot water for an anti-bacterial gargle.
Food historians say lemons have been in cultivation around the Mediterranean from as early as the first century A.D.
High in vitamin C, lemons prevent scurvy, a disease that causes bleeding gums, loose teeth and aching joints. To this day, the British Navy requires ships to carry enough lemons so that every sailor can have one ounce of juice a day.
The demand for lemons and their scurvy-preventing properties hit a peak during the California Gold Rush of 1849. Miners were willing to pay huge sums for a single lemon. As a result, lemon trees were planted in abundance throughout California.
During the European Renaissance, fashionable ladies used lemon juice as a way to redden their lips.
California and Arizona produce 95% of the entire U.S. lemon crop.
(from Sunkist.com)
and............
(From USHistory.org/franklin/fun/lemon)
Did you know you can make electricity without a battery or a generator? You can make a small amount of electricity with a lemon. To make a lemon battery and feel the electric "juice" flow, just read the materials and procedure.
Materials
You'll need these materials to make the Lemon Battery:
1 fresh lemon
1 sharp knife
1 dime and 1 penny. Or you can use a zinc and copper strips
1 adult helper
Procedure
1. Shake and roll the lemon on a table to "activate" the juices in the lemon.
2. cut two small slices in the lemon about 1/2 inch apart. The penny and dime will go in these slits.
3. Place your penny into one slot and your dime into the other slot.
4. With your tongue touch both the penny and the dime at the same time. Can you feel anything? Maybe a tingling?
How It Works
The acid in the lemon reacts differently with each of the two metals. One of the coins contains positive electric charges, while the other contains negative electric charges. These charges create current, which will flow if the battery circuit is complete. Your tongue acts like a wire and conducts the charges, making the circuit complete. The complete electric circuit causes a small amount of electricity to flow, which causes the sensation on your tongue. Regular batteries are very similar to your lemon battery. Good Job!
Monday, February 26, 2007
Oscar? Who's that?
1. Last King of Scotland--I REALLY like Forest Whitaker (He made a huge impression on me when I saw him in the Crying Game!
2. Elizabeth--I think I would really enjoy this movie, it looks like it would be lovely, and I think I might want to see this one on a big screen.
3. Little Miss Sunshine--I like Alan Arkin, this one I could watch on DVD.
4. Pan's Labyrinth-- although I think I might find this movie a bit anxiety provoking and would need to see it on a big screen.
5. I might want to see Dream Girls, but definitely on DVD.
--No, I have no interest in seeing The Departed, but I probably will watch it once it comes out on DVD.
Monday, February 19, 2007
What I remember about the day my mother died.
I looked at the clock. It was 4:38 in the morning. I quickly grabbed the phone and said “hulloh.” I heard my sister say “are you awake? I need you to hear me. Mom’s dying.” I asked her to repeat herself, not because I didn’t hear her, but because I didn’t believe her and therefore thought I didn’t hear her correctly. So, she told me the story.
She said that she just got a call from the doctor, who was on duty at the hospital where my mom had been the past week and was getting ready to be moved to a rehab unit in just a few hours, who told her he was “really sorry” and that she needed “to get to the hospital right away”. In fact, she said, he repeated that he was “really sorry” about 3 times. She told me they tried to call me first, but didn’t get any answer. Then she told me she called Carl already. I asked her to “give me a minute” as I sat on my bed trying to get hold of myself and my mind. I did, surprisingly.
Then the caretaker/business woman in me kicked in and I asked her if she called our two brothers, our uncle (my mom’s brother) and our aunt (my father’s sister.) She said she would be okay calling her twin brother but would I call our other brother. I told her I would, and that I would call our aunt. She agreed to call our uncle. I told her I would get my things together and would get to the hospital just as soon as I could. I also told her that I needed to take a shower. She laughed, just a little, because laughing too much would mean that we didn’t care about our mother who was dying, and said, “yes, and you’ll have to brush your teeth too otherwise you won’t be comfortable.”
I reminded her that I would have to make a bunch of phone calls to cancel my patients, and that I would really be there soon. Then I asked her how she was doing. “In shock” she said. I told her I loved her and I would be there very quickly. I also promised her I would drive safely and I would call her from the road and asked her to try to keep her cell phone on. And, if she couldn’t would she call me every so often. What I wanted was a link, a bridge to her and the rest of my family and mostly, a bridge to my mom. Somehow, I thought that if she was in the room with my mom, or within feet of her, that I would feel connected to her. At that moment, I hated that I lived so far away. (It’s only an hour, but right then and there, it felt like a few thousand light years away.)
I told her I loved her probably about a million times during that phone call. And I meant it a million more. I know that we both cried during that phone call too. I think we also told each other that it wasn’t true, we didn’t believe it, and what were we going to do. I also think we both were angry and spit out that it just wasn’t fair. I know I felt like a very little girl who wanted my mommy. I think my sister felt that way too. I also know I didn’t want to hang up the phone; I didn’t want to let my sister go. I didn’t want the space between us to expand.
When we finally did hang up I got busy. I quickly jumped in the shower and took the fastest shower I’ve ever taken in my entire life. And, of course, I brushed my teeth. I put on the most comfortable clothes I could find. I packed what clothes, make-up, vitamins, medicines and whatever else I could think of that I might want for a week. I remember standing in my closet thinking “I should pack something to wear to the funeral” but quickly dismissed that idea because I still didn’t want to believe that my mom was dying. I then ran through all the things I needed to get organized before I left my house. I needed to call my neighbor to arrange for her to care for my cats. I needed to call my patients. And I needed to get safely to the hospital.
I think I was running on automatic pilot. But my energy was running out. I had to sit down. I had to catch my breath. I had to cry. I looked at the clock and it was a more reasonable time. It was close to 6. So I called my neighbor. I told her what was going on. I knew she would understand. Her husband died suddenly of a heart attack just 3 years prior. She assured me she would take care of my cats and whatever else I might need her to do for me while I was away. She told me to drive safely.
By this time, I was packing up my car and telling my cats that I would have to be gone for about a week. I told them what was going on. I think I talked to them because I had to relieve my anxiety somehow and talking to them was a comfort to me. I packed up the bottles of water I had. I threw some fruit, cheese and crackers in my insulated bag. I packed up some chocolate. And I put the remaining cans of soda in my trunk with the rest of the food I packed and locked my door. I remember sitting in my car; just sitting there. I didn’t want to leave. But I put the key in the ignition, started my car and started driving.
I was moving closer to my horrible, nightmarish reality. A reality that I couldn’t put off forever; even though I wanted to. I wanted to run back upstairs to my bedroom and crawl under the covers. I wanted to awaken to the sound of my alarm clock. I wanted to shake my head to clear the horrible memories of a bad dream; a nightmare. One where I get a phone call in the middle of the night from my sister telling me that mom was dying. But I understood it wasn’t a dream. As I was driving I was crying.

