Nu?

Okay, I've been keeping a secret. I'm sorry. I just wasn't prepared to let the world in on this bit of news until I was sure about it. And, now I am sure........


I am adopting a baby! I have started my home study process and its going along quite smoothly. I met with my adoption worker once so far and she'll be coming to my house next week. I am really very excited and really terrified at the same time. OMG!

Earlier this year I was working with a fertility specialist in hopes of conceiving. Unfortunately that didn't work. (Even though young women are told to not worry, they've got plenty of time to have a baby and they can have a baby even in their 40's, it really isn't true. Menopause begins when a woman is in her mid 20's. When a woman hits 45 it's next to impossible to have a baby using her own eggs. This is what I've learned after months of trying to conceive using my eggs, donor sperm and utilizing IUI. All those movie stars having babies in their 40's are probably using donor eggs.)

After much thought and lengthy discussions with my sister, family and my best friend I decided that instead of trying to conceive using donor eggs and donor sperm, I would adopt. There are many babies already born and soon to be born, in this country, who are in need of a loving home. And, that I can provide.

So, that's my news for now. I could have a baby next year. Really, OMG!

Flu Season

My poor little nephew is sick. He's got a terrible throat thing going on. It's not bacterial so the doc's can't give him anything to help him recover quick. He's just got to ride it out. Unfortunately, he doesn't really talk all that much yet so its really hard to know what he wants and needs. He's been doing a lot of whining. My poor sister! She's been home with him for 2 days now. They can't really go anywhere. Except yesterday they went to the doctor's office which is when they learned that what he has is viral. He's not eating, doesn't want to drink anything, is running a 102 fever and can't seem to find a comfortable position to be in. Plus, his back molars are coming in. Can you imagine??? Sore throat and teething to boot. I don't envy the little fellow. I just wish he had access to more words so he could tell us what he wanted and how he felt.

And today is my sister's anniversary. She and her husband were supposed to be going out to a nice dinner this evening and I was going to babysit. I don't think that's going to happen. I told her I would babysit another day if Zack wasn't feeling good and they decided to stay home with him. In fact, if he isn't feeling good, I am not up for babysitting. He won't want me. I don't provide the comfort that his mom and dad do. So, we shall see.

Maybe I'll read some of Blindness tonight.

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Book club

I recently joined a book club and I wasn't quite sure how it would go. In fact, I was a little nervous about attending. I was afraid that I was not as smart as the folks in the group and that I wouldn't have much to contribute. I was feeling a little insecure, but I went in spite of my fears. The book up for discussion was "My Sisters Keeper." I found it to be an easy read. It's about a family with 3 children. One of whom was diagnosed, at age 3, with a very rare and oftentimes fatal form of cancer. The parents of this child decided to have a 3rd child and genetically engineered her to be almost identical to their older daughter's genes in order to use her cord blood to treat the older daughter's cancer. Unfortunately, the cancer raged it ugly head and the story continues with the parents taking more and more from their 3rd child in hopes of saving the eldest daughter.

I thought we'd mostly discuss the question of medical ethics. However, the discussion really focused on mothers and fathers making decisions for their children without really consulting with the children. The question of medical ethics came into play especially when these decisions had to deal with medical issues. In addition, we discussed how parents will, without meaning to, neglect the healthy children to care for the sick one(s).

So, I had a really great time participating in this group. There were 8 of us in attendance. All of us were women. Our ages ranged from early 20's to the mid 40's. (I suspect I was the oldest woman there.) Sitting with 7 other incredibly bright women who were open with their ideas and interested in hearing the ideas of others left me feeling extremely respectful and humble. Bright people are very powerful. I was especially struck by the youngest member of this group and how thoughtful she was in the way she voiced her ideas. I think she was also the brightest of all of us in the room.

The next book for our group discussion is Blindness by Jose Saramango. It's about a community that is struck by an epidemic of blindness. The "authorities" place the blind in an institution. However, a woman gets institutionalized by mistake. The book is about what happens between the people who are institutionalized. I've read it before and enjoyed it. The book club meets on November 12th and I am really looking forward to discussing this book and hearing what others think about it.

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How much do you share?

I know I have not posted regularly in a while and I've been pondering why that is. The only possible reason that I can come up with is that I've not been wanting to share with the entire world what's going on in my life since it all has felt so powerful as of late. I've wanted to keep things private and since I am not good, most of the time, with idle chit chat, I just decided to not post on my blog.

This begs the question...just how much do you share on your blog? Do you tell everything that you think; even the most private of thoughts? Or, do you keep some for yourself?

Is it the difference between privacy and secrecy? I'm not sure. But I do know that there have been times when I've thought about blogging that I've decided to not because I wasn't ready to share what my true thoughts were. I wasn't keeping secrets from you, I just wanted to keep some things private.

Let me add this thought...I know that only a few people read my blog regularly and that there might be others who stop by as they are scrolling through the list of blogs looking for something in particular or just looking. Perhaps it is from those folks that I decided to keep some things private.


I wonder...what do you think?

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