Friday, January 09, 2009


Sarah McLachlan - I Will Remember You
Found at

I will remember you, will you remember me....weep not for the memories.

Standing on the edge of something much too deep. Funny how I feel so much, I cannot say a word....

I will remember you will you remember me. Don't let your life pass you by...weep not for the memories.

Okay, so every time I think about my little girl I can't help but feel my heart swell. It swells so much it hurts.

I only wish my mom were around to share in my awe. I know we didn't always get along. She wasn't the easiest person to be with. I'm sure neither was I. But I do wish she were still alive. I think she would be very happy and content.

She gave me every thing she had, she gave me life. I will remember her. I just wish she hadn't let her life pass her by. I almost let mine pass me by.

She would have 3 little grandchildren living within 5 miles of her, and another on the way. (My younger brother and his wife are expecting a baby in May.)

Actually, the more I think about this the more I realize this post isn't really about my mom, its about me. Truth is, I wish I hadn't waited so long to have a child. I'm 46, soon to be 47, in March. Miss J. is going to be a year in July. I am fearful I won't be around to see her get married, or have children. I try not to worry too much about that. I have decided to mostly focus on making sure there are a lot of people in her life who love her! Because, someday when I am no longer alive, she will need to rely on those people. And the more people she can turn to, the better off she will be.

If I hadn't waited as long as I did, perhaps I would have been able to have a child naturally. Perhaps not. I will never know. As such, I have Miss J. to cherish. But still. There are regrets.

If I hadn't waited as long as I did, perhaps my mother would have been able to know and love my child.

I'm so afraid to love you, more afraid to lose....

I love you mom. I love you Miss J.

Don't let your life pass you by. Weep not for the memories.

1 comment:

Rosie said...

January 10th, yesterday, was th3 5th anniversary of my Mom's passing. I can hardly believe it. I miss her terribly some days. Good or bad? I just always hope I'm as important to my boys as she was to me. Weird, huh? Cuz, you know, she was my Mom for goodness sakes.

Don't worry about your age. Stay fit and healthy. When Miss J is 40 you'll only be 86. Piece of cake. I'd worry more about being 62 with someone learning to drive. Those early driving days make for some sleepless nights I can tell you.