Have you been good this year? What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas?

No good title comes to mind, yet.....

This is the piano that I have not touched in months. I love to play the piano. Mind you, I'm not good at it. In fact, I am surprised that I love to play the thing. When I was little, I hated playing it. I hated taking piano lessons, hated my teacher, hated practicing. Hated everything about the piano. Especially hated that my mom wanted me to take lessons. But now, almost 40 years later, I'm really glad she forced me to take lessons and didn't let me quit for a long time. It's too bad that I'm not a natural at it. I don't have the natural inner musical thing that makes great musicians. Or even decent musicians. When I play, the song is dead. I can't breathe life into it. I think thats because I get creatively constipated. I know I've used that in this post before, but I think it is what happens to me when I want to express myhself from that deeper place in me and then I can't seem to get there, or the deeper stuff can't seem to get out.

CopyCat

I saw this in another post and thought I'd add it here:
You google this: "'your name' needs" and then here goes:

I saw when I googled Sue needs:

a home...I already have one and am working on another.
to redeem some of the iou's owed to her...Who owes me???? Pay Up Already!
to grow up...Oh please!!!!!!!!!
to defend herself...I do a fine job of that. Ask my relatives.
to have a swarm of little kids...Yes, I would like that.
a show...what kind?
translation of an Appalachian phrase. (I don't understand this one!)
to learn how to pick up the phone and call people for answers! Oh trust me, I do this.

Go ahead, you try it.

I read in another blog something I should have already known...to blog is to free associate! YES! I SHOULD HAVE ALREADY KNOWN THIS! So...I will free associate....

I am sitting at my desk in my computer room waiting for my next client to arrive. I see my clients in my "office" and do my paperwork in my "computer room". Thankfully, my office is clean. My computer room, on the other hand , is not. I have papers strewn every which way. I have tried, on numerous occasions, and with help, to get it organized and cleaned up. I go through spurt where I will spend lots of time filing all the papers away, throwing out a ton of junk, but by the end of a week, okay, maybe 2 if I've been good, things are all messy and disorganized again. I don't get it. I say I want a clean room, but I don't keep it that way. A friend was over yesterday and we had a long discussion about it. She says she just takes care of things in the moment. She never leaves until later what she can do right now. Well, isn't that special?!? That does not work for me.

You see, in between sessions with my clients I need time to clear my head and rejuvenate myself. Sometimes I even have to use the lavatory. So, I don't have time in between each session to file my notes, or to even write them. Nor do I have time to file all the other papers that have collected throughout the day, week, month, year etc. Sometimes I just like to play a good challenging game of solitaire. So, my computer room stays a mess.

I did go out and buy some organizing helpers...like file baskets, a couple of drawer things to store paperclips, junk and etc. Plus a put up a few shelves. The room looks much nicer even since I've had it painted. But its still a mess.

I need help! I need my very own Martha Stewart!

I'm walkin on sunshine!

What a fun evening last night. All the little kiddies coming over to get treats, and sometimes, tricks, dressed up in their cute costumes. I didn't even mind the big "kiddies" only dressed in half costumes. I just insisted they ask for their goodies in the appropriate, time-honored, halloween tradition..."Trick or Treat, smell my feet, give me something good to eat!" And then I insisted they say thank-you. How did I do that? you ask...by saying, in a very firm way, YOU'RE WELCOME! and if they didn't get the not-so-subtle hint, I would repeat it. and Repeat it, until they did get it and say in their very sheepish way, "Thanks." I didn't mind that they were feeling embarassed. If their parents didn't teach them good manners, then I will take the task on myself! And so I did.

Happy Halloween!

You know that workshop I mentioned in a previous post, well I forgot to mention that it got canceled. I worked really hard at pulling the whole thing together and it got canceled. It was the most successful workshop that my organization didn't have. Yes, I am hoping that we will be able to reschedule it.

The eye's have it!

Now that it's dark earlier here in Michigan, thanks to the time change, I feel like hibernating.
Yes, that's my very own eye. Does my eye look like its tired? It's only 8:45pm and I feel as if its midnight.

So, what do you do when you are supposed to be watching what you eat, but you've got PMS and you feel like eating everything in sight? You make apple crisp and eat that knowing that the oatmeal and apples are good for you. You use Splenda brown sugar and real butter and hope that the chemicals in splenda and the fat in the butter don't kill you. At least, I hope that for me.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh,,,,,,,,,

Thanks everyone for your continued interest this last month. So much has happened and I don't know where to start to explain it all. So...I don't think I will. Suffice it to say, I've had a hectic hiatus. Not a vacation, and certainly not relaxing.

Most recently, and the most gratifying for me is; I made a decision to move. I live about 80 miles away from the people I love the most and I've been living that far away for 22, almost 23, years. I have been thinking about moving for quite some time.
I will have to do this painstakingly slow. I will have to live in 2 cities for at least a year, I'm sure.

Tonight was pumpkin carving and painting night with my friend and her 3 kids. I carved a pumpkin while they painted theirs. A much safer way for kids to decorate their pumpkins. We had a blast.

Fulfillment

In case you haven't noticed, I've not written in a while. I've been busy with work! Work is good. Really good. I'm busy and enjoying it. How lucky am I? I realize I am really fortunate. I have work that I enjoy, and I get paid for it as well. I realize that many people are not able to say that. I am very grateful that I have been able to follow my heart and have chosen work that satisfies and fulfills me. I hope you are as fortunate. And, if you have not been thus far, that you follow your heart and find work that fulfills and satisfies you.

fun

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	delicious
Your hugs are...	warm
Your eyes...	light up a day
Your touch is...	heart warming
Your smell is...	beautiful
Your smile is...	entrancing
Your love is...	eternal
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Busy as a bee.

Busy, busy, busy. Not quite sure if I'm liking it though. I'm organizing a workshop to take place in October. So far, so good. But, I'm trying to stay on top of things in order to not get overwhelmed. When I get overwhelmed I don't do things. So...I'm off to do more things so as not to get overwhelmed.

Read this.

Before you go to read whats in the link, I want to say that I don't agree with everything this guy has written, but I sure do think what he writes leaves us all with something to think about!
This is interesting

One more empowering thought!

Video
------India.Arie

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend on how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be the India Arie

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's supposed to be
And I know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes; I'm lovin' what I see

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be the India Arie

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear pantyhose?
My mama said a lady ain't what she wears but, what she knows
But, I've drawn a conclusion, it's all an illusion, confusion's the name of the
game
A misconception, a vast deception
Something's gotta change
but,Don't be offended this is all my opinion
ain't nothing that I'm sayin law
This is a true confession of a life learned lesson I was sent here to share with
y'all
So get in where you fit in go on and shine
Clear your mind, now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
'Cuz everything's gonna be all right

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I Learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be the India Arie

Keep your fancy drinks and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive car and your caviar
All I need is my guitar
Keep your Kristal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don't need your Silicone I prefer my own
What God gave me is just fine

I'm not the average girl from your video
and I ain't built like a supermodel
But, I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I'm not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be India Arie

Disturbing news.

I was watching, via my replay tv, Oprah's show from yesterday. I could only tolerate about 20 minutes of it as the show was about the horrors that people were enduring living in the astrodome in New Orleans. I would like to say that I cannot fathom how people could commit the kind of atrocities that some people are perpetrating on others. But, I cannot say that. I can fathom how people can treat other people so intentionally cruel. (I am in the field of psychology and have heard many, many horror stories. Too many for my comfort. I sometimes lie awake at night rumenating on the tragedies my patients have shared with me.)

I am sure that by now you've heard about the gangs that have been trying to take over New Orleans. Did you also know that there are people raping little babies? BABIES?!?!? For God's sake!!! Babies are our future. If we harm them now, we will suffer the consequences of our actions in the future. Look at Hitler and Sadaam Hussein and all those folks raping those babies. They were harmed as young children. And we've had to suffer the consequences of their terror. We must pay attention to how we treat eachother, and to history. History does repeat itself. The clinical term is the compulsion to repeat. We tend to do unto other's what's been done to us. And we identify with the aggressor/perpetrator. We will do to other's weaker, smaller, not as smart as us, what's been perpetrated on us. Unless we pay attention to ourselves and learn about why we do what we do, say what we say, think what we think and feel what we feel. We all have a tendency to be sadistic. It is when we know this about ourselves then we don't have to act on these, our tendencies.

I've been feeling a little down these past few days. Mostly, I've decided, I'm lonely. Actually, before I lament further about my lonliness, let me share with you, via words, the most beautiful scene out my office window. I am looking at a very large pine tree with the sun just coming up to the left of the tree. The sun's reflection on the tree is making the wood look red and the green of the needles on the tree are very deep. It is amazing. I've taken a picture and hope you can see what I see.



And now that some minutes have passed and the sun is higher in the sky, the color of the wood is no longer red.


Okay, now I feel I can ramble. I don't want to dwell on my lonliness. So, I'll try not to do so. I have just returned from the gym. I had a really good workout this morning. Did about 1/2 hour cardio and about 40 minutes of weight training with some cardio in between my sets. My trainer tells me that circuit training is a great way of losing weight. I suppose it would be if I didn't eat so much. I have such a sweet tooth. I love SUGAR. In all forms...except for ice cream. Ice cream is not my fav. I need to be able to chew on something. Ice Cream has no chew factor! I love Candy, Cookies, Cakes, Brownies...and the list goes on and on and on. If I didn't exercise I'd surely be a blimp. I hate exercising! No wonder I'm chunky. I love sugar and hate exercising. But I have the greatest friend in the world. She loves to exercise and drives me to the gym everyday. She calls me up in the early morning to say she's on her way to pick me up. We get to the gym by 5:30 and we're back by 6:45, now that she's back to teaching. During the summer we didn't have to be there until 6:30. But 5:30 is a killer! She doesn't mind though. She's as much addicted to exercising as I am to sweets. Go her! and I guess, Go me! thanks to her!!!

What are they looking at?

He's just not that into me!

Charlotte's line in Sex In The City is a good one. She asks Carrie "I'm nice aren't I?" Carrie answers "Yes, you are nice." Charlotte goes on with "I'm nice, I'm pretty, I'm smart, real smart. I'd make a great catch!" Carrie tells her that indeed, she would make a very great catch!

Okay, Okay. I get it. When he didn't get back with me after the two weeks he supposedly was busy and after he supposedly checked his schedule, he's just not that into me. But tell me, please, why he couldn't just step up to the plate, like a big boy, and just tell me that. I mean, really. What is up with guys (and I suppose gals too) who find it difficult to act like a grown up and tell the truth. Kindly, of course, but tell the truth none the less. Why is it really that hard to tell someone that the two of you really don't make a good match. I've done it before. I've even heard it before. After I've heard it, or read it in an e-mail, I will admit, I sometimes felt hurt, but free, none the less. There were no reasons for holding on to fantasies of what I thought could be. Fantasies are killers anyway. I prefer reality anyday to fantasy. Fantasies can be fun, but they just aren't real. There's such a let down after the realization that the fantasy that you've held onto so tightly for so long, just isn't going to come true. Especially if its about something other then winning the lotto when you don't even buy a ticket. I mean, come on, let's face it, we've all fantasized about winning the lotto and what we'd do with all that wonderful green stuff. But, how many have actually purchased a ticket? That kind of fantasy isn't based on the possibilty of reality. I bought a ticket maybe 3 times in my life. But that kind of fantasy I can handle. The one where I KNOW isn't going to come true. I don't fool myself that it is because I am fully aware that I didn't buy a ticket, and if I happen to have purchased one, I know the odds are against me. But the man fantasy, that's another story. Especially when he helps to fuel it. I meet a guy, who seems nice. We hit it off, have great conversations and he kisses me good night. Why wouldn't I think that he's interested, especially when he says "I'll call you" or "Let's get together again". Maybe there's a different language that men use that I just don't know. And what's with the kiss if he's not intending to call? It's not like a deep throat kind of kiss, so why even bother. Who really wants to exchange saliva with someone you're not interested in seeing again. Or worse yet, someone you aren't attracted to.

I'm nice, aren't I?

motherhood

I think in a previous post I had mentioned that I didn't think I would be a good single mom. Well, I'm no longer sure that's true. Cuz, you see, I am a single mom. My child is furry and has a tail. I have a cat who's a year old only she acts like a 3 year old human toddler. She's stubborn, has a mind of her own, gets into EVERYTHING, is a picky eater, doesn't pick up after herself, takes whatever she wants without asking...right now she's licking the yogurt off my spoon only I'm not done eating the yogurt yet and doesn't want to go to bed. She can be lovable and sweet when she wants to be. She can also be a pistol. She does the cutest things and sometimes she can really piss me off when she misbehaves. But she sure is cute!