Monday, May 21, 2007

To mom

I just read a post on Schmutzie's blog about something her mother said to her that got her riled up. That got me thinking about all the things my mother used to say to me that would rile me up.

For instance, shortly after I bought my "old" house she had come for a visit and said "what a cute little house you have." I was stuck on the word "little". My feelings were hurt. Now, of course my house was little. At the time, prior to the second story addition, it was only 950 sq. ft. But I thought she could have left off the "little" part in her statement.

On another occasion, after my siblings and I had finished sprucing up her yard for mothers day when I went to help her outside she said to me, after I told her we had finished, "When are you going to do the backyard?" Not, wow, how nice it looks and thanks so much for all the hard work you all have done, but "When are you going to do the backyard?" Needless to say she hurt my feelings again. I very kindly told her so and thought she would be best served by not saying those words to my siblings, but instead should thank them for all the hard work they had put into making her front yard very pretty!

On yet another occasion, after I had just bought a myself a Volvo to drive, I stopped by her house to take both her and my sister, who was meeting us at my mom's, out for a bite to eat. My mom got in the car and as we were driving she asked "So, how do you like your new Vulva?" I replied with a lot of laughter and squeals (my sister was guffawing it up in the backseat) and I said "I love it, mom, thanks for asking. Now I just need to find someone to ride in it with me." Which, of course, sent my sister, who was already laughing hysterically, way over the hysterical laughter edge! We were laughing so hard we both had tears rolling down our faces. And, our poor mother didn't get it until I explained to her that instead of saying Volvo, she asked about my Vulva. She was always a good sport and didn't mind that my sister and I were just bent over with hysterics. My mom, too, got a good laugh out of the exchange.

I miss those times...all of them. Even the hurtful ones. Because I know she didn't really mean to be hurtful, sometimes I think she wasn't being mindful of what she said and how other's might take the things she said. Just as I know I am not always mindful of what I say, to whom I say it, and the words I choose to use. And, I know I do not mean to be hurtful to others, but I am human and I make mistakes. Just as she did. And, most importantly, I know my mother loved me.


Maggpie said...

Sis, that is a nice post and I am glad you are working through your "stuff" about mom, and learning to accept her humanness and yours as well. I love you!

Rosie said...

Sue, I think you've got good advice there that can be applied to all our relationships. Motive means alot and I don't think most people set out to deliberately say hurtful things especially to people we love.

Savy said...

I think that is something I need to remember more with my own mother. Her motive's aren't to hurt - I think she's just SO comfortable with me that she says whatever she thinks.

Smart Socratics said...

Sis, thanks for the nice comment.

Rosie, Thanks too for your words. I try hard to remember to not take things personally.

Savy, thanks for visiting. Mom's can be challenging.