Sunday, August 14, 2005

Carpe Diem.

In other words, seize the day. A friend pointed out to me yesterday that I was talking like a victim. I was telling her that I wouldn't be a good single mom. And therefore wasn't going to have a child as a single parent. I was bemoaning the fact that there isn't a good man in my life and complaining that my child bearing years are almost past. At some point in our conversation I shouted out "where are all the good men before my time is up"? She pointed out that I wasn't having a child because I was choosing not to, not because I don't think I'll be a good mom as a single person. At first I wanted to argue with her, tell her she was wrong. That I wasn't feeling like a victim, that I was a victim. That hit me. Like a ton of bricks. I was feeling like a victim. Those words didn't feel good to hear. Especially because they were coming out of my mouth.
It's true though. I do feel like a victim. (Listen to me whine.) I haven't been able to find a good, decent man. My sister would say I'm not trying as hard as I could. The problem is, I don't know where to meet these guys. I don't know where they hang out. I'm not into the bar scene. Who want's to meet a guy at the bar anyway. I work out of my house. And there aren't too many people, let alone, guys who come to my home office. I golf, but haven't met any guys on the course. I work out every morning at the gym and smile and flirt alot, but all those guys seem to really be into their workouts. One morning I even played dumb about how to use some of the weight machines. That didn't seem to catch anybody's attention. I even started going on these really long bike rides with the local bicycling group. I've taken courses at the local college. But nothing seems to work. I've even gone as far as begging my friends to fix me up with any of their single friends. They all say they wouldn't wish their single guy friends on their worst enemy. I don't get that. Then why are they friends with these guys they consider to be worse then their worst enemies? Does this make sense to you, cuz it doesn't to me.

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