Here's today's list of things to do:
1. Cuddle with Miss J. (done)
2. Drink coffee
3. Change litter boxes...they are beginning to smell
4. Pay Bills
5. Work on taxes
6. Cuddle with Miss J.
Lately it seems I rely more and more on lists. If I don't write things down, they don't get done cuz I forget about them. Except, of course, the cuddling with J. part. That always gets done! The other things on my list seem to get forgotten during the cuddling time. I need to change the litter boxes. They really are beginning to smell. And I need to work on my taxes. My accountant is gonna blow a gasket if I don't.
Ever since J. came home my life has been turned upside down and topsy turvy. People always say "You can't imagine how much your life will change once you have a baby, until you have one." I always sort of placated those who would tell me this by nodding in agreement but inside, secretly, I thought they were full of shit. But, you know, it is true. Your life does change, completely! And I realize that I had no idea how much it changes.
For me the changes include never having enough time to take care of myself--eating, sleeping, exercising have all been sort of haphazard. Take the eating thing...I used to make and eat oatmeal every morning for breakfast. Not now...I eat peanut butter on bread (I don't even toast the bread!)
I never get my billings done within the first 3 days of the month, like I used to. I"m lucky to get them done within the first 15 days of the month. The only problem with that is I don't get paid unless I mail out my billing statements. No money means no paying my bills. Oh, and since J., I don't work nearly as much as I used to therefore, don't make nearly as much money as I used to. So the money thing can become an issue.
Oh, I am now drinking coffee and I just took a break to change the litter boxes. They don't smell anymore. (Sorry Kanga and Misty!)
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
She's spinning!
She was up early this morning. She wasn't crying. She was talking. And yelling. But not crying. She wanted me to know she was up and she wanted me to get up. I heard her. I also heard this soft banging. I didn't know what it was. So I went in her room to find out what the banging was. She had spun herself around 90 degrees so that she was kicking the bars of the crib.
Yesterday she laughed, today she spins!
What's next?
Yesterday she laughed, today she spins!
What's next?
Monday, January 05, 2009
She laughed!
So, we're lying on our tummies. She's not so happy, but she's not unhappy either. I'm spinning these plastic rings on this plastic bar thing and then I start spinning this ball with teeny little balls in it. Half the ball is clear, the other half has a face painted on it. So I'm spinning it and all of a sudden I hear this laugh. I couldn't believe my ears. So, I spin it again to check out if I heard right. And, she laughed again. So I spin it again...and she laughed again! Only this laugh lasted longer.
I was thrilled.
Then she started to cry.
I wasn't so thrilled.
So I picked her up and she immediately fell asleep.
She was tired.
That was her first laugh of so many more to come. What a joy!
I was thrilled.
Then she started to cry.
I wasn't so thrilled.
So I picked her up and she immediately fell asleep.
She was tired.
That was her first laugh of so many more to come. What a joy!
Sunday, January 04, 2009
Friday, January 02, 2009
She sleeps like an angel
And then I get to. I love it when J sleeps through the night. But I must admit, I love it when she sleeps in the daytime too. That way I can get some things done that I've been putting off for what seems like forever. Sometimes I think that makes me a bad mommy; that I like it when she sleeps in the daytime.
When she's awake, though she's so cool to be around. She looks at everything and takes everything in.
But, the best part of being with her is when she gets sleepy. She nuzzles her face into me and gets all squirmy. She keeps nuzzling until she falls asleep. Then she sleeps like an angel.
I'm so lucky she's my angel!
When she's awake, though she's so cool to be around. She looks at everything and takes everything in.
But, the best part of being with her is when she gets sleepy. She nuzzles her face into me and gets all squirmy. She keeps nuzzling until she falls asleep. Then she sleeps like an angel.
I'm so lucky she's my angel!
Thursday, January 01, 2009
Happy New Year!
Oh how time flies. I've been enjoying time with little miss J. We've been getting used to each other and I've been getting used to being a mom. It is really true...until you have a child of your own, you really don't know what its like. It's an all consuming job. You never have a moment where your baby isn't in your thoughts. No matter where you and s/he are, s/he is always on your mind.
I have been so in love with her it hurts. I am ever so grateful for being chosen to be her mom.
Other things for which I am grateful:
Little J.
Big J. (my sister's daughter.)
Z. man (my sister's son.)
Little J is sleeping through the night...for the most part.
Synagis shots for little J. and all the financial assistance I was able to procure to ensure J. gets those very expensive shots.
I wish you a very happy, healthy, prosperous and peaceful New Year!
Monday, November 17, 2008
Momma Me Ah!
I can't believe it! It's been almost 3 months since little Miss J. has come home. As you can imagine I am incredibly exhausted, and incredibly in love.
Life has been a whirlwind since the end of August. I'm still trying to catch my breath.
Wednesday, October 01, 2008
Isn't she lovely?
Here she is in all her glory....
And I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired! But I love every minute of it, and her!
Saturday, August 16, 2008
How long can I hold my breath?
I started this post on the 16th and finished it today, the 24th.
Well, funny I wrote what I wrote in my last post cuz guess what??? Those birth parents did choose me! I heard from my adoption caseworker on August 13 that they wanted to meet me. My sister just happened to be at my house when the phone rang and J., the caseworker said, "So how would you feel about meeting the birthparents?" to which I replied: Holy Shit, when and really, why? She laughed and said "because they chose you!" At which point I dropped the phone. Fortunately, my sister helped to focus me. I put the call on speaker phone and we both hugged each other while J. told us the situation.
She explained that I would meet the birth parents on the 15th and laid out how these meetings usually go with one caveat...because in this case, the baby has already been born. So, J. did the best she could to let me know what to expect and to remind me about 100 times that the best thing to do is to be myself. They've already seen my adoptive profile so know a lot about me. They chose me because there's things about me they like, a lot. So I just needed to remember to be myself.
I did meet with the birth parents and spent an agonizing weekend and Monday waiting to hear if I would be the official chosen one. Late Monday night J called to give me the good news! I am a mom. Well, assuming no one changes his/her mind. So I've spent every day at the hospital spending time getting to know my daughter. I cannot begin to put into words how I feel. An initial attempt would have to include the word gratitude. Because that I am full of. Not just to the birth parents of this little angel, but to all of my friends and my acquaintances who are being very generous with all of their baby items: clothes, bassinet, crib, and more. I cannot believe how many items people have offered to either give or loan me.
And I cannot believe I am going to be a mom. The whole process has taken 9 months. This is what J. figured out for me today. She told me I've had my pregnancy. I still am waiting with bated breath in case some one changes his or her mind. I don't believe that will happen but....
Isn't she lovely?
Well, funny I wrote what I wrote in my last post cuz guess what??? Those birth parents did choose me! I heard from my adoption caseworker on August 13 that they wanted to meet me. My sister just happened to be at my house when the phone rang and J., the caseworker said, "So how would you feel about meeting the birthparents?" to which I replied: Holy Shit, when and really, why? She laughed and said "because they chose you!" At which point I dropped the phone. Fortunately, my sister helped to focus me. I put the call on speaker phone and we both hugged each other while J. told us the situation.
She explained that I would meet the birth parents on the 15th and laid out how these meetings usually go with one caveat...because in this case, the baby has already been born. So, J. did the best she could to let me know what to expect and to remind me about 100 times that the best thing to do is to be myself. They've already seen my adoptive profile so know a lot about me. They chose me because there's things about me they like, a lot. So I just needed to remember to be myself.
I did meet with the birth parents and spent an agonizing weekend and Monday waiting to hear if I would be the official chosen one. Late Monday night J called to give me the good news! I am a mom. Well, assuming no one changes his/her mind. So I've spent every day at the hospital spending time getting to know my daughter. I cannot begin to put into words how I feel. An initial attempt would have to include the word gratitude. Because that I am full of. Not just to the birth parents of this little angel, but to all of my friends and my acquaintances who are being very generous with all of their baby items: clothes, bassinet, crib, and more. I cannot believe how many items people have offered to either give or loan me.
And I cannot believe I am going to be a mom. The whole process has taken 9 months. This is what J. figured out for me today. She told me I've had my pregnancy. I still am waiting with bated breath in case some one changes his or her mind. I don't believe that will happen but....
Isn't she lovely?
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Ouch!
I cannot remember the last time that I posted. I am so very sorry. I don't know what happened. I think life just got the best of me. First there's work, then there's family, then there's exercise, then there's shopping, then there's reading, then there's sleeping and I forgot to write. Hmmm.
So there's this baby thing going on in my life. My sister had her 2nd child, a daughter, in June. I was there for her birth. What an amazing experience. I am so very grateful that my sister and her husband allowed me to be a part of that miracle. I won't every have that experience for myself, so I am lucky to have been able to witness it from the other side.
Thank you sister!
My baby thing is this adoption thing. I got an e-mail 2 weeks ago from the adoption agency that did my profile asking me if I would consider adopting a baby who was born
at 28 weeks to which I replied yes, depending on certain items of concern. All of my questions were answered and I said a definite yes! I also asked how many profiles were given to the birth parents and was told "less then 5" which meant I had at least a 25% chance of being chosen to be the mom to this little baby. I had my fingers crossed and my hopes up, although I tried really hard not to let my hopes rise. As of today I have heard nothing. I thought I would have heard something by the end of last week. The adoption worker who I spoke with told me I should hear by today at the very latest. I can only assume that since I have heard nothing, that I have not been chosen. I have to tell myself that this baby was not meant for me. That there is a baby out there that is supposed to be mine...I hope. Yes, I am disappointed and sad. I do hope there is a baby for me. Soon........
So there's this baby thing going on in my life. My sister had her 2nd child, a daughter, in June. I was there for her birth. What an amazing experience. I am so very grateful that my sister and her husband allowed me to be a part of that miracle. I won't every have that experience for myself, so I am lucky to have been able to witness it from the other side.
Thank you sister!
My baby thing is this adoption thing. I got an e-mail 2 weeks ago from the adoption agency that did my profile asking me if I would consider adopting a baby who was born
at 28 weeks to which I replied yes, depending on certain items of concern. All of my questions were answered and I said a definite yes! I also asked how many profiles were given to the birth parents and was told "less then 5" which meant I had at least a 25% chance of being chosen to be the mom to this little baby. I had my fingers crossed and my hopes up, although I tried really hard not to let my hopes rise. As of today I have heard nothing. I thought I would have heard something by the end of last week. The adoption worker who I spoke with told me I should hear by today at the very latest. I can only assume that since I have heard nothing, that I have not been chosen. I have to tell myself that this baby was not meant for me. That there is a baby out there that is supposed to be mine...I hope. Yes, I am disappointed and sad. I do hope there is a baby for me. Soon........
Friday, March 14, 2008
Why am I still a nervous wreck?
Wow, over a month has gone by since I've last posted and I thought I was feeling like posting more regularly. Who knew.
You'd think that since my house is rented that I wouldn't be worrying so much. Ha! My sister tells me I'm worrying just as much, if not more. I think I'm the kind of person who has to have something to worry about. I can't just be happy....
That's what I thought until about 5 days ago. The rent for March did get paid and the mortgage for that month got paid as well. I did feel much relief after that...but I always find something to worry about.
And when I worry, I stress. And when I stress, I get myself into all sorts of troubles. Let's see...on Tuesday I got into a minor car accident. In a parking lot so the police wouldn't come out. Which is okay with me. To be totally honest, I think it was both the other driver's and my fault. We were both in a hurry and then we both got pissy about the whole thing...then the accident happened. Luckily we weren't driving very fast. We scraped the side of each other's car. I'm glad Michigan is a no-fault state. But I realize that the accident didn't have to happen at all. I need to practice acting out of a place of love and patience. Oh how I try. But sometimes I seem to fail at that. The only thing I can say is I have to keep trying. I'm human after all. And that means I'm not perfect.
So...I'm going to practice acting out of a place of love.
You'd think that since my house is rented that I wouldn't be worrying so much. Ha! My sister tells me I'm worrying just as much, if not more. I think I'm the kind of person who has to have something to worry about. I can't just be happy....
That's what I thought until about 5 days ago. The rent for March did get paid and the mortgage for that month got paid as well. I did feel much relief after that...but I always find something to worry about.
And when I worry, I stress. And when I stress, I get myself into all sorts of troubles. Let's see...on Tuesday I got into a minor car accident. In a parking lot so the police wouldn't come out. Which is okay with me. To be totally honest, I think it was both the other driver's and my fault. We were both in a hurry and then we both got pissy about the whole thing...then the accident happened. Luckily we weren't driving very fast. We scraped the side of each other's car. I'm glad Michigan is a no-fault state. But I realize that the accident didn't have to happen at all. I need to practice acting out of a place of love and patience. Oh how I try. But sometimes I seem to fail at that. The only thing I can say is I have to keep trying. I'm human after all. And that means I'm not perfect.
So...I'm going to practice acting out of a place of love.
Tuesday, January 29, 2008
Time for a change.
Well, I decided it was time for a change. My life has been changing lately and it was time I changed my blog. I'm feeling more and more like I have something to say as is reflected by the number of my postings lately.
Look for more postings.............
Look for more postings.............
Friday, January 25, 2008
Yes, its a done deal!
Well the eggs are hatched and I've counted my chickens and they add up well. I have indeed rented my house and got my asking price! This is where we all give a collective sigh of relief. AAAHHHHHHHHHH.
I have now taken it off the real estate market and kind pay off some bills and even have a little bit of fun. Now that I have a little extra money. Let's give that collective sigh again please. AAAHHHHHHHH.
The rent I will be collecting will pay the mortgage and the property taxes. Sigh here please....AAAHHHHHHH.
One more sigh, if you don't mind. AAAHHHHHHH.
I am using a property management company but they weren't having much luck finding a tenant. So, I posted my house on craigslist. I initially posted it and that evening I deleted the post and immediately reposted it so it would come up as a new posting every day. And I believe that helped the situation. As soon as I started doing that I had received 12 responses within a 2 week period. And one of those responses rented it. So...I also was pretty wordy in my description of the house and posted pictures. I am very happy and relieved. Okay, just one more sigh please. AAAHHHHHHH.
So now I get to pay off the debt I've accumulated since moving to my new house and paying 2 mortgages, I get to save, save, save for that baby to be and I will allow myself a trip this year...since I do love to travel and I have not gone anyplace exotic in a few years. I'll keep you posted on the travel plans.
Hip Hip Hooray for me!
I hope all is well with all of you.
I have now taken it off the real estate market and kind pay off some bills and even have a little bit of fun. Now that I have a little extra money. Let's give that collective sigh again please. AAAHHHHHHHH.
The rent I will be collecting will pay the mortgage and the property taxes. Sigh here please....AAAHHHHHHH.
One more sigh, if you don't mind. AAAHHHHHHH.
I am using a property management company but they weren't having much luck finding a tenant. So, I posted my house on craigslist. I initially posted it and that evening I deleted the post and immediately reposted it so it would come up as a new posting every day. And I believe that helped the situation. As soon as I started doing that I had received 12 responses within a 2 week period. And one of those responses rented it. So...I also was pretty wordy in my description of the house and posted pictures. I am very happy and relieved. Okay, just one more sigh please. AAAHHHHHHH.
So now I get to pay off the debt I've accumulated since moving to my new house and paying 2 mortgages, I get to save, save, save for that baby to be and I will allow myself a trip this year...since I do love to travel and I have not gone anyplace exotic in a few years. I'll keep you posted on the travel plans.
Hip Hip Hooray for me!
I hope all is well with all of you.
The house has been rented!
Well, I shouldn't count my chickens before the eggs are hatched cuz didn't I get really close to selling the place and the buyers backed out at the last minute?!? Well, I have probable renters who will sign the least today at 3pm. I have my fingers crossed that they will actually sign it. I will keep you posted.
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Friday, January 18, 2008
It's a girl!
We're having a baby. No, not me. At least, not yet anyway. My sister and her husband are having another one. It's a girl this time and we are all so very excited. When my sister was pregnant with my nephew she and her husband agreed that the gender would be a surprise. They also agreed that with subsequent pregnancies they would learn the sex of the baby. So...we know she's a girl! She's supposed to come into the world on June 11th. I am very happy about this but there's a bitter sweet feeling that seems to exist as well.
I'm thinking about my mom. She's been gone for almost 2 years now. Jeez! I can't believe its been that long. At times it still feels like yesterday, and other times it feels like forever ago. My sister and I have talked about how we are used to our lives without our father. He passed away in 1986. That's 22 years ago. We've both agreed that we do not want to get used to our lives without our mother. I believe we were thinking that about our father way back when.
I am so very sad that she won't be around to see her daughters have children or get to know her daughters children. Nor will those grandchildren have the opportunity to know her.
As for my baby process...it is official. All of my adoption paperwork is complete and turned in. I am now in the waiting phase. It sort of feels like being pregnant. Only I don't know when the baby will be born. So its a protracted pregnancy. That's okay. I'm planning for the nursery and all my friends and my sister's friends are helping to shop for baby stuff. It's fun. I'm having fun anyway.
In the process I'm feeling better about living in the metro Detroit area. And, I've been dating again. Wow. It's been a while since I've dated and this is fun too. Who knows, maybe moving back "home" was not such a bad idea after all.
I'll keep you posted on all the goings on around here.
I'm thinking about my mom. She's been gone for almost 2 years now. Jeez! I can't believe its been that long. At times it still feels like yesterday, and other times it feels like forever ago. My sister and I have talked about how we are used to our lives without our father. He passed away in 1986. That's 22 years ago. We've both agreed that we do not want to get used to our lives without our mother. I believe we were thinking that about our father way back when.
I am so very sad that she won't be around to see her daughters have children or get to know her daughters children. Nor will those grandchildren have the opportunity to know her.
As for my baby process...it is official. All of my adoption paperwork is complete and turned in. I am now in the waiting phase. It sort of feels like being pregnant. Only I don't know when the baby will be born. So its a protracted pregnancy. That's okay. I'm planning for the nursery and all my friends and my sister's friends are helping to shop for baby stuff. It's fun. I'm having fun anyway.
In the process I'm feeling better about living in the metro Detroit area. And, I've been dating again. Wow. It's been a while since I've dated and this is fun too. Who knows, maybe moving back "home" was not such a bad idea after all.
I'll keep you posted on all the goings on around here.
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Watch Out For That Flu Bug!
In case you aren't aware of this, there is a nasty flu bug going on around. Vomiting with diarrhea and a fever. It lasts 4-5 days. So, be careful to wash your hands regularly. Take your vitamins, eat right and make sure to get enough sleep.
I am on the watch for that flu. My sister, bro-in-law and nephew all have it and I'm avoiding them like they've got the plague.
Stay healthy!
I am on the watch for that flu. My sister, bro-in-law and nephew all have it and I'm avoiding them like they've got the plague.
Stay healthy!
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Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Travel from Hell
Well, I made it back to Michigan in one piece after a travel from hell trip. Traveling to my brother's in Illinois should have only been a 2 hour plane trip. He lives just 5 minutes from a smaller airport and things should have gone smoothly. But, on the day we were supposed to leave, there was a butt load of fog in Illinois, so our flight was initially delayed, then canceled. Unfortunately, because my sister, her husband and their 21 month old son, did not book their flights on the same itinerary as my step-dad and I, we were not to be rebooked on the same flight, and, we were not to be rebooked on a flight that day. It was important for us to get to Illinois that day as it was my niece's birthday and we were all looking forward to spending time with her and celebrating her big 15th! So...we opted to fly into Midway in Chicago which my brother neglected to tell me and so did NorthWorst airlines, that there are no flights from Midway to Bloomington (where my brother lives). Well, we made it to Midway but had no way to get to Bloomington. All the car rental places were booked, there were limo's but they cost upwards of $800.00. Eventually, we discovered a bus that ran from Midway to Bloomington. That was another 2.5 hours. So, here's how the day looked...we got to Detroit airport by 7:30 to catch a 9am flight. We left Detroit at 2 and landed there at 2:30pm. We caught a bus at 6 and got to Bloomington at 8:30pm. Now, we had initially decided not to drive thinking it would take way to0 long to get to Bloomington, a whopping 6.5 hours by car...Who knew!?!
Oh, but wait, dear readers...on our return trip we had part deux of our travel from hell saga.
We were to leave Christmas Eve day to return to Detroit. We got to the Bloomington airport at 9 to catch a 10am flight. We loaded onto the plane and loaded off the plane with the knowledge that there was a slight difficulty and we were to be leaving shortly. The captain told us to "stay close to the terminal" in case we were able to leave shortly. Ha! The airport is so small we couldn't help but stay close.
Anyway...our flight was canceled and again we were not to be booked to leave Bloomington for Detroit until Christmas day...that is, if there were any available flights. So, we opted to fly to Atlanta then to Detroit. Remember our travel time was supposed to be 2.5 hours.
We left Bloomington at 2pm, landed in Atlanta at 4:30. We left Atlanta at 6pm and landed in Detroit at 8:30pm. We did not make it home until 10:30 that night.
So...here's the deal. I can understand that weather and plane troubles interfere with the best laid flight plans. But what I cannot understand is how unhelpful and how unfriendly many of the Northworst customer service people were. If I had been rude and nasty to them in my dealings with them during these trying times I would expect rudeness back. I could go on and on about this, but I won't. Suffice it to say they were not a helpful bunch. To add insult to injury...there was a particular TSA person at the Bloomington airport who was one nasty biotch. Again, if my family had been rude and nasty to her I would expect the same in return.
There was no call for the rudeness and nastiness we received those 2 days. For shame on Northwest and on the TSA person at Bloomington Airport.
In spite of all of this I want to wish you all a happy new year.
Oh, but wait, dear readers...on our return trip we had part deux of our travel from hell saga.
We were to leave Christmas Eve day to return to Detroit. We got to the Bloomington airport at 9 to catch a 10am flight. We loaded onto the plane and loaded off the plane with the knowledge that there was a slight difficulty and we were to be leaving shortly. The captain told us to "stay close to the terminal" in case we were able to leave shortly. Ha! The airport is so small we couldn't help but stay close.
Anyway...our flight was canceled and again we were not to be booked to leave Bloomington for Detroit until Christmas day...that is, if there were any available flights. So, we opted to fly to Atlanta then to Detroit. Remember our travel time was supposed to be 2.5 hours.
We left Bloomington at 2pm, landed in Atlanta at 4:30. We left Atlanta at 6pm and landed in Detroit at 8:30pm. We did not make it home until 10:30 that night.
So...here's the deal. I can understand that weather and plane troubles interfere with the best laid flight plans. But what I cannot understand is how unhelpful and how unfriendly many of the Northworst customer service people were. If I had been rude and nasty to them in my dealings with them during these trying times I would expect rudeness back. I could go on and on about this, but I won't. Suffice it to say they were not a helpful bunch. To add insult to injury...there was a particular TSA person at the Bloomington airport who was one nasty biotch. Again, if my family had been rude and nasty to her I would expect the same in return.
There was no call for the rudeness and nastiness we received those 2 days. For shame on Northwest and on the TSA person at Bloomington Airport.
In spite of all of this I want to wish you all a happy new year.
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Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Happy Holidays to you!
Well, I'm off to Illinois to spend the weekend with my brother and his family. We will celebrate the holidays with them and exchange gifts. We'll also eat a lot of really good food and I'll get to visit with my nieces and nephews. I am really looking forward to the time away.
I hope you have good holidays, however you spend them. If you are traveling, I wish you a safe journey.
Happy New Year!
I hope you have good holidays, however you spend them. If you are traveling, I wish you a safe journey.
Happy New Year!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Depression
So, as a therapist, let me tell you a little about depression. Depression is made up of lots of regressions.
First, when people are depressed they tend to forget about how time passes as an adult and think about time from a young child's perspective. For example, depressed people think that they have been, or they will be depressed "forever". When really, 3 weeks, 3 months, even 3 years isn't forever. But, if you were a young child, say 3 weeks old, then 3 weeks is forever. It's actually a lifetime. And, 3 months or 3 years to a 3 week old is beyond comprehension.
Get it?
Second, when people are depressed they feel helpless. They forget that they take care of themselves every day. They get themselves up and dressed. They feed themselves, go to work, or school and often take care of others. See where this is going in terms of regression? An infant or very young child cannot take care of him/herself. S/he IS helpless and relies on others for survival. A young child cannot distract himself from his feelings. Whereas an adult can. He can take a nap, go for a walk, call a friend, eat something...whatever it takes to distract from the depression, if even for just a little while.
Third, when people are depressed they feel hopeless. As if nothing is going to change, ever. Babies really don't have any idea that things will be different for them. But things always change.
We just have to remember about time as we know it as adults, that we are not helpless nor do things stay stagnant.
First, when people are depressed they tend to forget about how time passes as an adult and think about time from a young child's perspective. For example, depressed people think that they have been, or they will be depressed "forever". When really, 3 weeks, 3 months, even 3 years isn't forever. But, if you were a young child, say 3 weeks old, then 3 weeks is forever. It's actually a lifetime. And, 3 months or 3 years to a 3 week old is beyond comprehension.
Get it?
Second, when people are depressed they feel helpless. They forget that they take care of themselves every day. They get themselves up and dressed. They feed themselves, go to work, or school and often take care of others. See where this is going in terms of regression? An infant or very young child cannot take care of him/herself. S/he IS helpless and relies on others for survival. A young child cannot distract himself from his feelings. Whereas an adult can. He can take a nap, go for a walk, call a friend, eat something...whatever it takes to distract from the depression, if even for just a little while.
Third, when people are depressed they feel hopeless. As if nothing is going to change, ever. Babies really don't have any idea that things will be different for them. But things always change.
We just have to remember about time as we know it as adults, that we are not helpless nor do things stay stagnant.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Fighting depression
I think I've figured out what's been going on with me. I've been fighting depression. So far, I've been successful at keeping it at bay. But, its not always easy.
I think it mostly has to do with the death of my mother a year and a half ago. Now that I'm living back in my old stomping grounds her death has been incredibly crystal clear, and incredibly painful. I chose to move back to the Detroit area to be closer to her. I had envisioned that I would pick h er up so she could come to my house and spend the day with me. She'd sit in this really comfortable arm chair I have, read the paper and take a nap while I cooked a nice comfort meal. We'd chat a while, drink some tea and have dinner. Then I'd take her home. So many weekends have passed since I've moved here where that fantasy has been really strong in my mind. And, it can't happen. So, I'd grieve some more.
There have also been times when I have felt the urge to call her. Only I remember that I can't. Then Thanksgiving approached and I was even more painfully aware of my loss. Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday because most of my family would be together. Family was important to her. She would always ask us to just be together for a meal whenever it was her birthday or mother's day, as a gift to her.
Plus, I miss my old house. No, I haven't sold it yet. Nor have I been able to rent it. I suppose if I had, then I wouldn't miss it so much. But since I still have ties to it and I have to check on it every once in a while, I seem to be unable to fully let it go in my mind.
And, I think that change is just plain painful. And I've had and will have lots of changes in my life.
What, you may ask, am I doing to fight off my depression? Well, I try real hard to let the feelings come. I know that having feelings is not a bad thing; that feelings are useful. (That's what we therapists always tell our patients!) And, I'm exercising, eating right, taking my vitamins, trying hard to get enough sleep, staying in touch with friends and family and doing things that make me happy. You know, I enjoy reading, playing the piano, making pottery, taking photos of all sorts of people and things, and now knitting.
What do you do to fend off depression?
I think it mostly has to do with the death of my mother a year and a half ago. Now that I'm living back in my old stomping grounds her death has been incredibly crystal clear, and incredibly painful. I chose to move back to the Detroit area to be closer to her. I had envisioned that I would pick h er up so she could come to my house and spend the day with me. She'd sit in this really comfortable arm chair I have, read the paper and take a nap while I cooked a nice comfort meal. We'd chat a while, drink some tea and have dinner. Then I'd take her home. So many weekends have passed since I've moved here where that fantasy has been really strong in my mind. And, it can't happen. So, I'd grieve some more.
There have also been times when I have felt the urge to call her. Only I remember that I can't. Then Thanksgiving approached and I was even more painfully aware of my loss. Thanksgiving was her favorite holiday because most of my family would be together. Family was important to her. She would always ask us to just be together for a meal whenever it was her birthday or mother's day, as a gift to her.
Plus, I miss my old house. No, I haven't sold it yet. Nor have I been able to rent it. I suppose if I had, then I wouldn't miss it so much. But since I still have ties to it and I have to check on it every once in a while, I seem to be unable to fully let it go in my mind.
And, I think that change is just plain painful. And I've had and will have lots of changes in my life.
What, you may ask, am I doing to fight off my depression? Well, I try real hard to let the feelings come. I know that having feelings is not a bad thing; that feelings are useful. (That's what we therapists always tell our patients!) And, I'm exercising, eating right, taking my vitamins, trying hard to get enough sleep, staying in touch with friends and family and doing things that make me happy. You know, I enjoy reading, playing the piano, making pottery, taking photos of all sorts of people and things, and now knitting.
What do you do to fend off depression?
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